Chaos and How to Survive It
by Annadrujok
Summary: What happens when you mix Shonan and her friends with the Akatsuki, Orochimaru's group Sound Five, Hebi, Kabuto , and the Espadas? Chaos. This handy little guide is filled with tips on how to survive. No guaratee that it works, though. Many pairings.
1. Prologue

**A/N: I have noticed a drastic drop in the number of readers after the prologue, so i will restate this author's note before the fic starts. The prologue is boring. I know that. However, it gets much better later on. As in, mid/end next chapter on. Please, bear with me. This is my first fairly sucessful fic. For people that are more Bleach centered: Espadas come-and stay-at the tenth capter, but they are introduced-somewhat-in the fourth and seventh. for Naruto centered people like me: you will be fairly happy. Also, I know this chapter is short. it is a prologue, and introduction to the characters. This is the shortest chapter in the fic.**

Prologue

-10 years earlier-

"Aw, Grimmkitty…why do you have to leave? Stay! Don't go! That stupid Aizen guy can't take you from us!" an eight-year old Shonan cried. She had electric blue hair with black streaks. Currently, she was in half-form, meaning that she also had cat ears and tail. She was half-cat, calico, and had two beasts sealed inside her-the evil half of the nine-tailed fox, and Demon Kitty Eat Your Soul (most commonly referred to as Demon Kitty). She, like her sister, Hay-Lin, had three kekkei-genkai. She had lightning control, being able to materialize weapons and tools from thin air, and being able to turn into a cat. Her sister had mimicry (the ability to copy any technique, other kekkei-genkai included, a very special doujutsu), teleportation, and telepathy. They are the last members of the Nazo clan. Grimmjow, 12 years old at the time, grinned down at Shonan, Hay-Lin, Krystalia, and Mist. Hay-Lin had purple hair with black tips arranged in two long ponytails. She was nine years old at the time, same as their friend, Krystalia. Krystalia is the daughter of the Land of Eternity's feudal lord. She was very wealthy, and only had the best of the best. However, her parents always had her on a short leash. Her only friends were Shonan, Hay-Lin, and Grimmjow, three children around her age who always came over to play. It was that way ever since she turned five years old. When she was nine, her father hired Kakashi Hatake to guard her because of her kekkei-genkai - the ability to control time and space. That same month, Shonan and hay-Lin rescued Krystalia from her old life. Now, a few months later, Grimmjow was leaving. He had just been promoted to sixth Espada and had to go take his place in Las Noches. He was leaving Mist, and arrancar, behind with Shonan and Hay-Lin to keep them company. Over a few weeks, they had all become good friends. Mist, also twelve, had really light blue hair-almost white, and her mast was across her head (like Sakura's headband) and looks kind of like a maid's hat with teeth. She had a whit turtleneck that split halfway down the middle and ended above her navel. Her skirt was also white, and both had black borders, the hem of the skirt's was shaped like waves. Mist's long hair was arranged with a loose ponytail on the end that split to look like a fish tail. At her side, she had her Zanpakuto, which looked like a musketeer sword. Shonan was heartbroken. She had known Grimmjow since she was four years old. She had even 'fondly' nicknamed him Grimmkitty, much to his dismay. After goodbyes were done, Krystalia opened a portal into Hueco Mundo, specifically Las Noches. He stepped into the portal and disappeared in a bright flash. "…So…what do we do now?"

"Maybe we could go and join up with the Akatsuki. After all, a few more freaks won't make much of a difference." smirked Krystalia.

"M-kay!...HEY! What's that supposed to mean? Well, come on, let's go!" exclaimed Shonan.

"Wait, you took me seriously?"

"Yup! It was a good idea!"

"The personality change is almost scary…" murmured Hay-Lin, before starting off towards the nearest Akatsuki base. "We should warn Pein that we're coming."

"And I can write a book! Like the Survival Guide, only different! And well be in it and…." ranted Shonan. Everyone just ignored her and continued walking.

"She's not going to stop, is she?" asked Mist, so that Shonan couldn't hear.

"Nope" was Hay-Lin's reply.

"This is going to be a long trip, isn't it."

"Yup"

"Great…"

**A/N: please bear with me. i know this first chapter's not very exciting, but it sets the scene for the next chapters. I promise you it gets better. I'd say the first chapter is a bit boring untill the mid/end, but the second chapter is already completerly comical. More Bleach kicks in during chapter 4, and stays permanently during chapter 7, with only short mission breaks inbetween. It does get better, and longer than this chapter,. I promise.**


	2. Moving Day

**Ch. 1-Moving Day**

**Tip 1 – Avoid having large sums of money near Kakuzu.**

**Krystalia**

"We have to leave!" yelled a now 18year old Shonan.

"Why?" asked Leader.

"The place is swarming with Konoha and Suna shinobi! We have to get out!"

"Everyone, come here! We have a situation!" yelled leader.

"What now? Did Shonan have sugar again? I was in the middle of a ritual!" asked a very irritated Hidan, who was covered in blood.

"Okay, everyone's here. Do you have a plan?" Leader asked Hay-Lin (now 19, like me. She now has a single ponytail), completely ignoring Hidan.

"Surprisingly enough, yes. However, this plan requires that you all become cats." Hay-Lin answered, holding up Shonan, who was now a cat.

"Hell no, bitch! There is now way that Jashin-sama would ever let me become a damned ugly, flea bitten, mangy, idio-AGH!" cried Hidan, who now had Shonan(still a cat) lodged firmly into his arm. "Let go!" Shonan just glared at him, growling. It's kind of funny, though, seeing a tiny calico cat stuck on some guy's arm. You would think that Hidan would've learned by now not to insult cats around Shonan. Anyways, Leader just ignored them and continued addressing Hay-Lin.

"Fine." I swear I saw him smirk when Hidan let out a cry of protest. Hay-Lin nodded and began a jutsu specially developed by her and her sister to turn people into cats. Soon, all of the Akatsuki-and Mist, were cats. Hidan managed to dislodge Shonan moments before he became a mewling ball of silver fur. Deidara was a gold cat with white underbelly, and fur hanging down, covering his left eye. Konan was a Russian Blue with a paper flower, a spot on her chin, and Mist's hair color underbelly. Leader was a red-orange cat with various black spots for his piercings. Kakuzu was a brown cat with stripes representing his stitches, and two blue stripes on each forearm. Kisame was a large, blue-gray cat with gill-like markings, and a white underbelly and paws. Itachi was a long haired black cat. Tobi was the same as Itachi, only his left eye was closed and his entire face was orange. Zetsu was half black, half white, divided vertically. Sasori was a reddish-brown with a brown striped tail that looked exactly like Hiruko's tail. He also had brown paws. Mist was a Turkish Angora with white fur containing some traces of light blue. They all kept their normal eyes/eye colors. Shonan smirked victoriously, and then led everyone out the door. I quickly manipulated the space around me to become a cat, and then followed them. I was a brown cat with a darker brown spiral on my back. I had two green and yellow bracelets on my front paws, and one on my tail. Hay-Lin copied Shonan's kekkei-genkai and turned into a cream-and-brown Siamese.

"To get to where we're going, we need to catch a train. My friend will meet us there." Explained Shonan, leading us to Amegakure's train station. At least the rain stopped. Otherwise, Shonan would be complaining that 'someone broke the rain because it's wet'. Yeah, her logic works real well, doesn't it.

'Just where _are_ we going, un?" asked Deidara, who was walking alongside Shonan. I swear, if he was any closer, he would be walking on top of her. I wonder how he's able to stay intact at that proximity? Oh, never mind. Problem solved. She just shoved his face in the ground.

"Home! You'll love it there!" said Shonan, going over beside Hay-Lin and shooting a warning glare at Deidara.

"It's true. Even _Shonan_ doesn't get bored there." Confirmed Hay-Lin.

"Hn." Shonan froze. Hay-Lin must've told her something via. telepathy, because the next minute, Shonan burst out laughing and grinning like a fox.

"Impressive" said Sasori. I'm not sure if it was about the boredom, or how quickly Hay-Lin managed to quell one of Shonan's Uchiha rages (she absolutely _loathes_ Uchihas).

"Will Tobi be able to play with Shonan-chan and Deidara-senpai?" asked Tobi. Shonan's tail twitched dangerously.

"How many times do I have to tell you to drop the damned honorific?" She yelled, getting progressively louder, then rounding on the poor thing.

'Sorry, Shonan-chan…"cried Tobi, flinching. Shonan just ground her teeth and turned back. Half an hour later, we arrived at the train station.

"Hey, Felix! You up there?" called Shonan. A small bobcat poked his head out of one of the cars.

"Shonan! Hey, welcome back! Where ya going?" he asked.

"Home" replied Shonan. Felix gasped.

"That's great! Who are these?" he asked, motioning to the Akatsuki.

"The Akatsuki and Mist." I decided to supply the answer. I'm not an Uchiha. Sometimes even _I_ have to talk.

"Krystalia! Hey! Haven't seen you in a while! Wait…if you're here, then who-"

"A clone" I cut him off, anticipating the question. Shonan told us not to mention the Secret around the Akatsuki. Well, Leader, Konan, and Madara know, but that's because they're _part_ of the Secret. By now, we were on the train. The Akatsuki, Mist, Hay-Lin, and I were all back to our human-or arrancar- selves. Only Shonan remained in cat form. She was sitting on Konan's head, playing with the origami flower on her head. Looking back, it seems as if _someone_ *coughOnyxcough* forgot to describe me. Not surprising. That cat _hates_ me. Anyways, I have brown hair held up in a loose half-ponytail by a blue ribbon. I have hazel eyes, as opposed to Hay-Lin's striking purple, or even Shonan's cat-like green/gold eyes. After a five hour trip filled with complaints by Deidara and Sasori, and five…wait, no make that six arguments between Shonan and Hidan, we arrived. It's late fall, so the wheat(grass like the kind in savannahs) was a nice gold. It was chilly, typical of November. In the sea of wheat, stood a small cottage.

'THIS is the new base? I doubt even TWO of us could fit in there, let alone 14!" exclaimed Kisame.

"Well, first, you're a freaking GIANT, two, Whistle Fish can do math! Yayz! Three, that's the point, and four, THIS is the new base" said Shonan, releasing a powerful genjutsu. Itachi's eyes widened slightly as a giant mansion came into view. It was about 200 stories high, and about as wide as a humpback whale. It was lavishly decorated in various shades of light blues, whites, creams, and lavenders. There were balconies and columns adorning the house. "So, how do like our house?" smirked Shonan, watching each of the Akatsuki's reactions.

'Holy shit! How much money do you HAVE!" yelled Kakuzu, stunned.

"Oh, not very much. _I_ have somewhere in the 30 digits, Hay-Lin has as much as she wants (stupid endless bag), and together, we've saved up somewhere in the 50 digits. Like I said, not much. I have no use for it."

"Shonan, my beloved, will you marry me?" Asked Kakuzu with the most sincere face have ever seen, getting down on one knee. Shonan's face quickly turned from one of smug victory to one of utter disgust. Hay-Lin had her video camera out and was taping the whole thing for the sake of blackmail.

"Ew! No, you perverted money whore! You're 91 years old!" She exclaimed, punching him I the face. Poor Kakuzu should learn not to get on Shonan's bad side. There was a sickening crack and the poor man flew about fifty feet before smacking headfirst into a tree. Good thing he has five hearts. Deidara, Kisame, and Hidan were rolling on the floor, laughing. Sasori sported an amused smirk. Leader, Konan, and Itachi were expressionless. Tobi and Mist were in total shock, and ran over to help Kakuzu who looked stunned. Hay-Lin sighed and went over to heal him. It's always nice to have the best medic with you. "besides, Hay-Lin is the one with infinite money." Shonan said indignantly, walking into the house, if you can call it that. The inside was, if possible, even more lavishly decorated than the outside. There were cat passageways/walkways that went all throughout the house near the ceiling, and each room was colored differently. There were tons of secret passageways, and it was possibly the biggest place I've ever seen. "Ah, it's good to be home!" And with that, we come to the first tip: avoid having large sums of money near Kakuzu, he'll go crazy.

**A/N: for those of you wondering, we have a few more chapters, no ore than ten, for the espadas to appear. But don't worry, we'll ge tthere. just bear with me. The next chapter is much better than this one.**


	3. Flying Fish

**Ch. 2-Flying Fish**

**Tip 2-Peace does not exist within the Akatsuki**

**Hay-Lin**

Okay, dear readers. It appears that Krystalia is a crappy narrator. I'll have to teach her some things about narrating. Anyways, I woke up and went downstairs. The only people awake were Shonan and Sasori, who were playing chess. They're the only ones who can't sleep. I'm assuming that they were keeping each other company all night while the others slept. After all, it _is_ fall. Shonan waved hello, then went back to her game. I looked down on the board quickly. Shonan was winning. Poor Sasori, Shonan is a master at chess. I went to the kitchen to begin making breakfast. Today, we would be having omelet, fish (salmon, trout, tuna), and oatmeal. I hummed a little tune to myself as I cooked. It's not normally this quiet and peaceful anywhere with the Akatsuki-or Shonan. I decided to just enjoy the peace and quiet while it lasted. Five minutes later, Kisame walked in. Mist had come in three minutes earlier and was helping me with breakfast. Kisame strided over.

"What are you ladies doing?" he asked, leaning over the stove.

"Making breakfast" answered Mist, a slight blush powdering her cheeks because of the close proximity of a guy. She'll never learn. I'm actually surprised she managed to survive this long with only four other girls for company, one of them being Shonan. Ah, well.

"You should add fish. Fish makes every recipe better."

"No. I'll give you a fish later. Shonan's getting some too. Now shoo, you're going to get Kisame all over breakfast. And if that happens, Itachi will mangekyou sharingan your ass into next year. With that thought in mind, Kisame turned to leave when…BOOM! Suddenly, a large explosion shook the house, which was followed by a very obnoxiously familiar voice's excessive swearing. I sighed. "Hidan and Deidara are up." Two seconds later, Hidan ran in, carrying his arm, followed by a furious Deidara who was threatening to shove a wad of clay into Hidan's mouth. I teleported behind Deidara and used a binding jutsu to hold him in place, then went to Hidan and healed his arm. As I was about to interrogate the two, Shonan jumped up out of her chair and yelled,

'Oh, I won! Take THAT, Puppet Bitch! 100 straight wins! Hay-Liiin, I'm huun-gryy. Feed Meh!" Then she walked out in a huff.

"Talk about bipolar" murmured Kisame. Mist nodded in mute agreement. In half an hour, everyone had eventually woken up. Shonan came back, all smiley and happy. I swear, she was SPARKLING. You could SEE the sparkles just radiating off her. It was almost sickening. However, I assumed that meant that she had a plan. We went to the dining hall. The table was piled with every breakfast and seafood dish you could imagine for the entire 20-foot length of the table.

"Tobi has never seen so much food in Tobi's life!" cried (3 guesses who, first two don't count) Tobi.

"Of course, I finally have what I need in order to cook a proper meal at my disposal again!" I said, proud of my work. On the table was about enough food to keep two large armies well fed for over a year. Shonan immediately went and sat at the head of the table.

"Shonan. Move. That's Leader-sama's seat." said Itachi. Shonan stared, stared, and then stared some more before crying,

"Oh, mah, GAWD! TEH WEASEL SPOKE!Ohmaigawd Hay-Lin! The weasel spoke! The world's going to end, we're all gonna DIE! Even us immortal bitches!" Shonan cried, frantically running around the base like an idiot. Itachi _seemed_ to be calm and ignoring her, but I saw his eyebrow twitch. When I looked into his mind, I found this: _Oh my God, make it stop! I'll do anything, even confess to Sasuke, just make the bitch stop yelling! It's giving me a headache! And…Hay-Lin, get out of my mind._ Apparently he noticed. That's skill. Hidan looked puzzled by Shonan's screaming.

"Immortal Bitches? But…I'm the only other immortal one…here…!"

"Uh huh! Your point? You're a bitch too! Just ask Kakuzu for proof!" She said, happily grinning from ear to ear (talk about adding insult to injury) the whole time. She's read WAAAY too many fanfics. And she HATES yaoi, too! Soon, both Hidan and Kakuzu were chasing her furiously while she ran around, laughing like it was some giant game. Knowing her, it probably was. Deidara and Tobi were rolling around on the floor, laughing. Pein-sama rolled his eyes, then yelled,

"Everyone had better be in the dining room in five minutes before I have to go and DRAG you here by your throats!" needless to say, everyone was here on time. It took them a while to FIND it, but then again, Shonan's the only one who has the house's layout memorized. Apparently Pein-sama scared Shonan's cats too, because all 17 were here too. Only 17 of them were at the house at the time. Not too much. There are typically 20-30 here at a time. "Everyone, we are going to have a _civil_ breakfast." said Pein.

"Psh, good luck with that" murmured Krystalia. Well, we all managed to have a somewhat civil (as far as the Akatsuki go) breakfast until Shonan decided to throw a trout at Kisame.

"Look, it's your cousin, Whistle Fish!" she exclaimed, grinning. Then, an all out food fight began. Pein, Konan, and Itachi were the only ones not participating, and I was videotaping the whole thing. Sasori was having a fine time using chakra strings to throw food at Deidara's face and hair. That is, until Shonan hit Pein-sama in the face with a handful of oatmeal. Then an all-out _war_ started. Tip 2-Don not expect peace within the Akatsuki, for it does not exist. Never has, never will.

**On Thursday, I have off school untill tuesday, so I'll be able to post lots of chapters. As of now, I have up to ch.5 written out in my notebook. I get very bored during Homeroom, Math, and Science, so i get to write a lot. Then, I have to type it, which is always a true pain for me. Review! Or else Shonan will throw random fish in YOUR face!**


	4. Of Snakes and Weasels

**Ch. 3-Of Snakes and Weasels**

**Tip 3- Orochimaru and the Akatsuki do not get along well, if at all.**

**Shonan**

Hello, oh wonderful readers! I see you have come to my mind for refuge against those other losers, Krystalia and hay-Lin! Okay, maybe not. However, my next words will shock and amaze you. I'm bored. Yes, I'm bored in the mansion. WITH all my cats, too! Therefore, to quell the boredom a bit, I have a plan. Actually, I have many plans. First, I strike teh Weasel. _What are you doing? Will it obtain blackmail?_ Arg, Hay-Lin. _No, now shoo…wait no. Actually, it _will _get good blackmail. But I need your help. Where's Tachi?__ The living room, reading, why?__ We're going to make the Uchiha prick loose his cool.__ Sweet, I'm in.__ Great, come on, meet you there._ I slinked down to the living room as quietly as possible. Sure enough, Tachi was sitting in an armchair, reading the Encyclopedia of Genjutsu. I smirked. This'll be fun, just you watch and see. Hay-Lin gave the signal, and I darted out behind him, grabbing the book, then jumping on top of the armchair, yelling "Tachi reads porn!" in a singsong voice. Hay-Lin grinned evilly as I released the genjutsu. Sure enough, I was now holding Icha Icha Paradise. Hay-Lin caught the whole thing on tape. "Attack plan B2, success!" I said, returning Tachi's book. Kisame looked up from the TV screen.

"You bored?"

"Yup"

"Who's next?"

"Pinocchio"

"Figures. He's always your second target."

"Yup, and then the Jashinist Bitch is next, followed by the Zombie Whore and Pein."

"Wow. Your level of respect or lack thereof amazes me." mumbled Hay-Lin. I stalked off to Sasori's workshop, where I could hear him working on his latest puppet. I quietly opened the door, and act of suicide to a normal person, and peeked in. The puppet bitch was intently focused on his new puppet, and was currently attaching a new arm to one of his dolls. I grinned. I, quiet as a shadow, melted over to the puppet master's side. I watched for a few moments, staying slightly behind him, then yelled at the top of my lungs,

"HAI PINOCCHIO!" I watched in utter glee as he dropped the arm, which broke, on the ground and swore loudly. I snapped a photo, then ran as fast as I could out of there. I stopped over in hay-Lin's room to drop off the photo. Blackmail is sweet. _Hidan's in the game room, with me, Kakuzu, Krystalia, Mist, and Deidara __.K, thanks._ I headed over to the only game room I showed the Akatsuki-the one where they can play pool and gamble. I bet the Espadas would like it here, too. Sure enough, Hidan was in the game room. He was sprawled out on a couch, watching a game of poll. I went over to him. Time to mess with his mind. "Hi-daan, I'm bored!" he flinched and started to get up. "What do you say we have some fun, just you and me?"_ What are you planning?__ You'll see._ Hidan sat down.

"Okay, bitch, I knew you would lighten up!" Deidara looked up, taking in every detail of the scene before him with malice.

"Yayz! Here, take this! That way we'll have an even sword battle!" I said, happily throwing Hidan a sword.

"W-what?" _Nice one. Trick him into fighting you.__ Of course. I knew he would run away if I only say I'm bored. I've fought him enough times. All I had to do was use his perverted mind to my advantage and word my request so it has double meaning, and he willingly agreed._ Deidara laughed to himself. "No way, bitch! Go bother someone else!" yelled Hidan, throwing the sword on the ground.

"Ah well, I tried. Now where's…the Zombie Whore! Bakuzu, beware, I'm coming!" I cried, going over to Kakuzu, who was playing poker with Deidara. As soon as he heard me coming, he got up and began to leave, not even bothering to count his newly won money. He was trying to escape the Shonan. "Kuzu! Where chuz be going? Is yous going to put your contacts in? Can I come? WAIT!" Kakuzu just went faster. When he got to his room, he slammed the door shut, letting me run into it. "Bakuzu…"

"Go away, I'm busy."

"Are you putting your contacts in? or adjusting them?"

"No. Go away. I don't even have contacts."

"Yes you do. Otherwise, why are your eyes that color? Everyone knows you have brown eyes to match your hair, but you poke yourself in the eyes putting in your green contacts, irritating them. Then, your eyes look green and red! It's not natural, but it makes sense! You see? My logic works! Hey, Bakuzu, you listening? Kuzu?" I heard a lock click. "meener" I went over to find Pein. On my way there, I asked Tobi and Hay-Lin to come. "Can we invite Medusa over?"

"Who?" asked Pein.

"Orochimaru." Supplied Hay-Lin, who knows my nicknames well. In fact, she actually _uses_ this one.

"What! Why would you want to invite him? Knowing him, he would bring Sasuke and Kabuto! It would be Itachi's ultimate demise!" yelled Pein. Madara grunted.

"I'm bored. I can tell him who to bring! I know exactly who's coming!" I explained. Pein sighed. There's just no arguing with the Shonan.

"Fine."

"Yayz! " I ran over to find a phone. I dialed Medusa's number(I got him a landline over the summer) and waited.

"Hello?" It was four-eyes.

"Kabuto, get Orochimaru for me."

"Wow, you're serious. Okay. Orochimaru-same! Shonan's on the phone!" I faintly heard Medusa hiss to 'hang up before the bitch knows what happened.' Then, four-eyes told him that I'm serious, and he sighed.

"Fine. Hello? What is it?"

"Can you come over and bring DBH, Four-Eyes, the Sound Five, Suigetsu (I still haven't found him a suitable nickname yet), Juugo (nor him), and the Redheaded Whore?"

"Who?" I sighed. Nobody knows my nicknames.

"Sasuke, Kabuto, the Sound Five, Suigetsu, Juugo, and Karin."

"Oh. Sure, but why?"

"I'm bored."

"Well in that case, where are you?"

"At home with the Akatsuki. You'd better get along, or I will unleash Demon Kitty on you. Besides, Hay-Lin can heal your sickness, making you never need another host body again, or if you don't want that, then she can make your host behave."_Don't volunteer me for anything.__ Go die in a hole._

"Fine, but where's 'home'?"

"Oh yeah, you don't know. Umm…I'll send Hirashi to get you. Wait for her."

"Okay." He hung up. How rude. I called Hirashi.

"Lady Shonan, you called?" a white and orange spotted cat wearing a blue summons jacket and Rain village headband asked.

"Yes. Can you fetch Medusa, his boy-toys, the Sound five, and Hebi?"

"Sure! Anything else?"

"Yes. While Juugo's here, we cannot speak of…wait, never mind. That's a different world. Bye!" Hirashi nodded, then headed off to Medusa's base. I called the Akatsuki over. "Okay, Medusa's coming, however, I invited him, so don't kill him or his followers. If you do, I'll kill _you._" Tobi was the first to speak.

"who?"

"Orochimaru." Kisame laughed.

"That's genious! Ha!"

"I know, right?" I grinned.

"Shonan, I'm back!" yowled Hirashi. I went over to the front door to greet her. I praised her quick work and picked her up to pet her. She's such a good cat. Tachi came up behind me.

"Sasuke." OMJ it spoke.

"Itachi." DBH(Duck-butt hair/head) spat out venomously. I watched quietly, then turned into a cat and jumped on his head.

"Teh weasel hath speaketh" I mewled happily. Suigetsu looked at me, puzzled.

"What's that?" I huffed indignantly. He had walked in late and missed my transformation. He, like most of the others, were taking in the inside of the house. The genjustsu was back up outside, so it looked like a cottage outside.

"That, baka, is a cat." Stated Karin, pushing up her glasses.

"I have a name, you know." I muttered. I jumped down from my perch and turned back human. "My name is Shonan. Hear it, learn it, remember it. You'll need it."

"You're a bitch" said Karin.

"So are you" I retorted. Really, she is. The only thing worse than a Karin is an Uchiha. God, how I _loathe_ Uchihas. They should all die. Thank god my good friend the Weasel eliminated most of that dreaded species. At least the last three somewhat listen to me. Orochimaru was staring at Itachi like I stare at a fish. It was actually kind of scary, if you ask me. So, I slapped him. "Snap out of it, Medusa."

"Who's Medusa?" he asked, gingerly rubbing his sore check.

"Who do you think? A snake-haired bitch so ugly that just one look at her turns you into stone. So basically, it's you." Orochimaru looked scandalized. I led everyone inside. Deidara immediately lunged at Sasuke, who held him back with snakes. A colorful string of obscenities escaped Deidara's mouth, and my dictionary expanded quite a bit. Tip 3- Medusa and the 'Katsuki never get along well.

**I'll be home most of tomorrow, so I might be acle to publish up to chapter 6 or 7. Hope you enjoy!**


	5. MindBoggling

**Ch. 4-Mind-Boggling**

**Tip 4-Kidomaru is naught more than a giant spider. Ick.**

**Krystalia**

I woke up and there was a spider on my bed. A really big, nasty, spider, about the size of a person. It was tall, and on the post of my canopy bed. It took me about three seconds to realize three things. One, I have a huge spider in my room. Two, I hate spiders, they scare the living daylights out of me. And three, it had an ass-bow. There was only one thing I could do. I screamed. I swear the entire base heard me. The spider winced and covered it's ears. Wait…ears? Spiders don't _have_ ears, do they? I formed a dim orb of light, just enough for me to be able to see. And who should be sitting there but that bastard Kidomaru. I screamed again.

"Hey, hey. Quiet down, will you?"

"Why are you on my bed? Or even in my room? Get out, you pervert!" Seriously. Kidomaru is my stalker. He's been everywhere I go for the past week, ever since he came here. And it's not even very bad, either. I only subconsciously notice, and when I do, he was always really kind to me (I'm pretty used to the gamer terminology, Shonan uses it a lot, too). Until now. For god's sake, he's sitting on my bed!

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. It's just that I could hear you muttering in your sleep, so I went to see what was wrong. You were having nightmares, but you calmed down when I sat down beside you, so I stayed. Then, a few hours later, I heard a strange noise so I went up on the post to keep watch. Then, you woke up, probably bringing half the base with you." Oh. That explains it.

"Oh, then if that's the case, then I'm sorry for yelling at you. I didn't know. That's so sweet! Almost Itachi sweet!" he frowned a bit."I can't thank you enough. I've been having nightmares for a few years now. Every night, I have horrible nightmares that get progressively worse. It started with forgetting a pencil when I was nine, and now they're about losing everyone, and being the last one left, surrounded by horrible creatures. Hay-Lin said that it's a side effect of being near Shonan for too long and it only happens to one out of every hundred people. She said that once I find someone who truly loves me that I can love back, they'll stop. However, that's never happened." I sighed. How could anyone love a stuck up spoiled brat like me? Kidomaru began to say something, then froze. An eerie skittering could be heard echoing throughout the base. A giant, charcoal black rat with blood red eyes emerged from the shadows. It had huge fangs and looked almost possessed. I trembled. I knew that rat. "shit" Kidomaru's eyes snapped over at my sudden outburst. "That's the vampire rat from my nightmares. It's always been in every single nightmare. It's a horrid monster. Stay away from it." I whispered, mostly to myself.

"What? If it's from your dreams, then how is it here?"

"I-I don't know" I sobbed, burying my face in the closest object to me-Kidomaru's chest. He had a look of utter _shock_ on his face, then smiled slightly. The rat hissed, and Kidomaru focused his attention on it. Then, suddenly, out of nowhere, a small calico cat pounced on the rat. "Shonan!" the small cat looked up, then turned to the rat and said something to it in this weird language. It answered, then poofed out in a cloud of black smoke.

"Am I interrupting something? Sorry, I'll leave…" said Shonan as she started out the door.

"No you're not." said Kidomaru, grabbing Shnonan by the scruff of her neck. Shonan grinned and sat on the bed.

"Kay" I looked up, realized what I was doing, and quickly moved away, my face turning bright red.

"s-sorry. I was acting on impulse…" I stuttered, noting Shonan's video camera and Kidomaru's look of hurt. "Shonan," I asked, trying to control my flaring temper."Why do you have a video camera?" Shonan froze and quickly put it away. Kidomaru looked over at her surprised.

"I'll be leaving chuz alone now. Bai!" she ran out, taking advantage of Kidomaru's surprise. God, I'm doomed. Shonan got blackmail on me. Knowing her, she'll go straight to Hay-Lin, and then by tomorrow, the whole base will be thinking that Kidomaru and I are a couple. As if I could ever like a spider guy. I hate spiders-they're so nasty! But then again, Kidomaru's always been so kind to me. Gah! What am I thinking! I already like someone else! Someone handsome with raven black hair, and beautiful red eyes…_Really? Who might this mystery man who gave Krystalia feelings be? Could it be the infamous Itachi Uchiha? Please do tell.__ Hay-Lin! What are you doing here? Shoo! This is _my_ mind, not yours or Shonan's! You have no right to invade it!__ Geez, fine, I'll leave._ This is bad. With my luck, the only reason she left is because she was able to survey my mind and answer her own question. I'm dead! Well, as long as Tachi doesn't find out and/or put it in his little black book, then I'm fine. Somewhat. Yes, I know I stole Shonan's nickname. However, lots of people use this one, so I'm safe. Speaking of Itachi, where is he?

"Krystalia, you okay?" Kidomaru asked.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Do me a favor and get me some ice from the kitchen, please. I have a headache."

"Sure." As soon as he left, I quietly closed and locked the door. Yeah, I know I shouldn't take advantage of people like that, but Shonan does it all the time. Tip 4- Kidomaru is naught by a giant spider. Dear god, I'm turning into Shonan. Help! I decided to save myself. I would go pay Grimmjow a visit and maybe even ask him to come back. Yes, that's what I would do. I opened a portal, the same one I used ten years ago, then stepped through it. In a bright flash, I entered Las Noches. I wandered through the halls, taking in the colorlessness of the building. Shonan's house is bigger. I decided to try to find Grimmjow's room. Next thing I know, there is a sword at my throat and a blindfold over my eyes. Then, there was black.

"We have discovered an intruder.' I hear a voice

"Is she dead?" wait, no. Many voices. Where am I? I groggily opened my eyes. There are ten people gathered around a long table. They're all freaks. They all seem to have masks like Mist and Grimmjow. Wait, that's Grimmjow! Are those…the Espadas? But if those are the Espadas, then where are Aizen, Tosen, and Ichimaru? Someone shoved me forward.

"Lord Aizen, it appears that the intruder is awake." There they are. What do you know, Mist was right. They are all asses. "Speak, trash, and tell us why you're here.' Okay, according to the Anime, that's Tosen. The dangerous one. And since Aaroniero is alive, the this is either before Orihime was captured, or before they come rescue her. Good. I shook my head no. A dangerous gamble if there ever was one. I looked at Grimmjow, hoping they hadn't brainwashed him. Okay, sure I restyled my entire appearance since I last saw him, but still. "Speak" fine, if that's what you want.

"Fine then. My name is Krystalia, and I have come to bring you to your ultimate demise." I saw recognition light up "Grimmkitty's" eyes.

"Lord Aizen, I would rather you listen to her. I know this person, and knowing her, she means every word." Ah, so it _can_ speak. Then, he addressed me. "Krystalia, when you say 'bring to your ultimate demise', do you mean you're going to bring us back to your world and set Shonan loose, or you're going to fight us?"

"Meh, probably both if you don't come peacefully. Besides, I'm sure Shonan would _love_ to have a giant spoon to bother." I saw puzzled looks on everyone's faces, and smug amusement cross Gimmjow's face.

"Well, I'd pay to see Aizen comply to your request. I'd also pay to see you fight him." Ulquorra, I think his name was, smacked Grimmjow on the back of his head.

"Do not speak of Aizen-sama like that,_ Grimmjow_." Aizen, ignoring them both, asked me,

"Is this true? Do you plan on bringing us somewhere?"

"Yes. I'm pretty sure some of you would get along with some of the others there."

"Well I will not allow that" Then, he used his zanpak-to's shikai. Almost immediately, I saw my worst nightmares come to life all around me, and darkness enveloping everything. I kept a calm face.

"Oh, I'm so scared! It's a petty little genjutsu! Release!" The illusion of never ending darkness faded and Aizen was standing there with a look of shock.

"W-what? How? How is it possible that you broke my Kyoka Suigetsu?"

"Dude, I live with Shonan and Itachi, the masters of genjutsu. I'm pretty sure I can break a basic genjutsu like yours." I deadpanned. God, these people have mind bogglingly low intelligence. They have chakra, but they don't know how to use it and call it spirit energy. They have to use their swords to do what any genin-level ninja can do, somewhat easily. Pathetic. It's truly a wonder of nature.

"I want to see these 'Shonan and Itachi' you speak of now. All right, we will come with you"

"Great!" We started off through Hueco Mundo so that I could summon a portal large enough to fit everyone, then, all went black.

**A/N: oh, and the plot thickens. I actually have a plot now! I'll try to have the new thanksgiving chapterup today, at latest, tomorrow.**


	6. Huggles

**Ch. 5- Huggles**

**Tip 5- Hugs can solve everything, especially when dealing with psychopathic murderers.**

**Hay-Lin**

Hello, wonderful readers, and welcome back to my mind! Well, Krystalia vanished. However, knowing her, she'll be back by tomorrow. If she's not, then we have a problem. Well, it's already a problem. You see, today is Thanksgiving. This morning, Shonan was bored and decided to pick on Itachi in every manner possible. By breakfast, he looked like he wanted to tear her limb from limb, which-If I'm correct, he will. Shonan noticed, and then put on a sympathetic face.

"Aww, does someone need a huggle?' she went over in the blink of an eye, and hugged the unfortunate weasel. Tachi was so shocked, that he completely forgot about his rage. He awkwardly patter her back, and mouthed 'help me' to Sasori, or whoever would help. I saw jealousy burn in Deidara's eyes. Hm, we'll have to do something about that, won't we? Ah, well. I know this pattern. Shonan's going to get herself into trouble, then 'huggle' her way out of it. It's one of her ways to relieve boredom. I saw Kidomaru go up to Mist and ask her something. She shook her head no and he went of and asked Shonan something to which she too shook her head no. Then, with increasing panic, he went to me.

"You're friends with Krystalia, right? Have you seen her today, Hay-Lin?" oh, so _that's_ what this is about.

"I'm sorry, Kidomaru, I haven't seen her. The only people who saw her at all today are you and Shonan."

"How do you know?"

"Telepathy plus Shonan's little bit of blackmail from this morning."

"Oh."

"Yeah, though I have to say you two make a really nice couple. Creepy, but cute. I kind of feel freaked out, though, imagining all you can do…you know…" He frowned at this.

"You have a sick mind, Hay-Lin" Wow, Shonan tells me the same thing all the time.

"I've shoulder read a few of Shonan's more…mature…fanfics. They're quite scary. Besides, poor Deidara. People think even worse of him. Speaking of Shonan, where is she?"

"In the music hall, playing her sorry excuse for music" supplied Tayuya, who had come to the kitchen to grab some orange juice and toast. Masquerade, a blue, black, and orange cat, was following her to get food. Masquerade, being from the circus, loves music, and was now sniffing Tayuya's flute curiously.

"Don't let her hear you" said Kimimaro, who was sitting on the counter, listening curiously. He had been friends with us since he became friends with Juugo. In the week that he had been here, I managed to heal his illness, a feat that not even Kabuto was able to accomplish. "She'd kill you in a second by brutally sending you to the Nightmare realm."

"Nightmare Realm?" asked Juugo.

"You don't want to know" Sakon walked in.

"I thought I saw her go into the pantry, didn't you, brother?"

"Yeah, she had a real sneaky look on her face, too" replied Ukon.

"The pantry? Are you sure?" Sakon and Ukon both nodded. "oh, god. If she gets to the Halloween candy I hid there, we're doomed." Deidara chocked on his drink.

"What! You left candy where Shonan can get it?"

"I saw Tobi follow her" said Ukon.

"Crap! That little shit's near candy! With Shonan! Hay-Lin, what have you done? You've created little monsters!" cried Deidara. I didn't have the heart to tell him that there was sake in there too, and the fact that Tobi's taller than him.

"It's not my fault, Zetsu was supposed to watch her!" I cried frantically. Zetsu came up out of the ground.

"We're sorry, Hay-Lin. She escaped.** She fed us an arm.**" I sighed. Cannibals are so easy to distract. I opened my mouth to say something, when we heard a loud crash.

"Oh, god." Tobi, who was hiccupping, cam charging in, being chased by a hyper and Furious Shonan.

"hic. Shonan-chan! Hic. Tobi didn't mean to do it! Hic. Tobi is so very sorry!" he yelled, his words slurring.

"Tobi…" I asked cautiously. "Are you drunk?" he giggled.

"Why, yes, Hay-Lin senpai! It's wonderful! Tobi feels so warm and fuzzy inside!"

"!-" I covered Shonan's mouth before she could say any more. I've never seen her this hyper. I wonder how much candy she ate?

"Shonan, calm down and breath. You're never getting sugar again." She whined in protest.

"You understood that?" asked Itachi, amazed. Shonan's eyes went wide and she broke free of my grip.

"!wowwowwowwowwowwowwowwo-" Kimimaro, the saint, knocked her out by shooting on of his finger bone bullets and hitting her in the back of the neck. Shonan fell to the ground, still twitching with energy. I prodded her with my foot. Nothing.

"Enough is enough." He said, and then went back to his room. Itachi, Tayuya, Juugo, Jirobo, and Sakon followed his example. Zetsu phased through the ground.

"How long do we have?" asked Deidara.

"About ten minutes"

"Then I'm leaving before she wakes up."

"Wise choice" Then, we went to the game room, where Hidan, Kisame, Kakuzu, Kabuto, and Suigetsu were playing poker. Karin was sitting on the couch next to Sasuke.

"Where's Tobi?" asked Kisame, looking up from the game. Kakuzu stole a few of his chips.

"Passed out on the kitchen floor with an unconscious Shonan."

"How'd that happen?" asked Suigetsu.

"Tobi found the alcohol, and Shonan found the Halloween candy, then got knocked out by Kimimaro."

"Yikes" I saw a shadow cross the room and stop behind Sasuke. Then, it pounced.

"Nya! Igotchuz,urchin!" I sighed, then left the room. The last thing I saw as Sasuke glaring at Shonan, who then 'huggled' him. Poor soul. On second thought, though, I take that back. I had to go to Konoha's market for Thanksgiving supplies. I teleported there, and entered the market. An hour later, I came back with 30 shopping bags. Mist helped me carry them to the kitchen and we started making the feast. She told me that Tobi was still passed out, and had gotten moved to the sick bay. Shonan 'huggled' Suigetsu, Kisame, and Pein, who were all so surprised (shouldn't be) that they forgot their anger. Tip 5- Hugs can solve everything. Three hours passed, and the feast was finally ready. Laid out on the table in the Grand Dining Hall was turkey, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, chicken, ham, green beans, various different fish, a boar with an apple in its mouth, chicken pot pie, fruits, pumpkin, pumpkin salad, squash, corn, eel, pumpkin pie, cornbread, beef steaks, salads, crab salad, fine cheeses ,dango, and ramen. Various drinks, including tea, sake for the alcoholics like Hidan and Liquid Soul for Shonan, were laid out on the table. For desert, we had maraschino cherries, apple pie, chocolate cake, carrot cake, pineapple-upside-down cake, cornmeal cake, cupcakes, cookie cake, chocolate covered pears with vanilla ice cream, truffles, chocolate, ice cream, and all sorts of fruits. Everyone gasped at this arrangement. However, it just wouldn't be the same without Krystalia.

"Wow! I won't be able to eat for another year!" exclaimed Hidan, gazing at the table.

"Well I won't be able to eat for another month!" exclaimed Kisame, trying to beat Hidan.

"I won't be hungry for another five hours!" exclaimed Shonan happily, who had outdone them all.

"Five hours?" asked Sasori, who was watching, sorely wishing he could eat right now.

"I'm a very hungry person" she deadpanned. We had an amazing Thanksgiving Dinner, and by the time it was over, everyone was stuffed full to the brim, drunk, or both. Even Shonan. She was only stuffed, though. She doesn't drink. She trusts her nose, which is supremely sensitive, 20 times stronger than a ninja hound's nose. She hates the smell of many things, alcohol and coffee included. At least she'll never have a caffeine high, from coffee, at least. Tea's a different story, though. Anyways, the only ones who weren't passed out were me and Sasori. Me because I know how to control myself, and Sasori because he can't. However, Sasori went to his workshop, so I guess I'm alone. Oh, well. Now to get those photos developed…

**A/N: i'm so glad I got this published in time for thanksgiving! Review! Or Shonan will huggle you!**


	7. Sticks and Stones

**Ch. 6-Sticks and Stones**

**Tip 6- Never separate certain people from their treasures.**

**Shonan**

I woke up and went to the kitchen to get myself some breakfast. On the way there, I passed the Grand Dining Hall. Everyone except a few people like Hay-Lin, Sasori, Mist, and myself, who don't-or can't-drink, was passed out on the table or floor. It was quite comical, if you ask me. They're gonna have one hell of a hangover when they wake up. Fun. I'll just entertain myself until then. Cow, one of my black-and-white spotted housecats with a blue (well, actually it's turquoise, but…) collar and gold bell, came up to me.

"Good morning, Mistress Shonan!" she meowed. I sighed. How many times have I asked her not to call me that? Then I saw a strange sight. A very strange sight, indeed. Hidan and Kakuzu were curled up on the floor, intertwined like two lovers.

"Cow, did you see what happened here?" I asked her. My cats are everywhere. The passages and rails just below the ceiling can come in quite handy for spy work.

"No, however, I think that Loki might've."

"Indeed I did." A cat with a brown coat and tan underbelly and paws came out of the shadows, leaping down from the passageway above us. He sported a black spiked collar and bracelet, and a black cloth tied to his tail. He had saber teeth, and a scar over his left eye."Kakuzu insulted Hidan, who in turn attacked him. They were both drunk at this time, and so their movements were slow and unagile. Eventually, they both collapsed at the same time, resulting in that mess. I'd like to see their reactions when one or both of them wake up. They make for very entertaining drunks."

"Ah, okay. Thank god."

"Why? Do you have feelings for one of them?" asked Loki.

"Ew, no! It's just that I _loathe_ yaoi, almost as much as I hat Uchihas! It sickens me." The three of us then entered the kitchen, and I let out a yell."Hay-Lin! What happened to your hair?"

"I restyled it, okay? I think it looks much better." She said, a bit irritated.

"That's not what I meant! Okay, maybe it is. It looks nice, but it so...so…different."

"God, my head! What's all the yelling about?" asked the fish fry, walking in groggily. He grabbed a cup of water and sat down.

"Hi, Fins!" I exclaimed, bounding over to torment the poor fish. He winced.

"Can't you at least _try_ to whisper?"

"Nope! My only volumes are here and up!" Hay-Lin laughed a little.

"Calm down, Shonan. Try to be a bit quieter, okay? I'm still half-asleep myself, you know." She whispered, respecting Kisame's wishes. I stuck my tongue out at her.

"Did you see Hidan and Kakuzu?" I asked, at the same volume. Kisame winced again.

"Yeah, I got a photo!" said Hay-Lin, excitedly forgetting her own advice.

"What the Fuck?" yelled a very loud, very familiar voice. The Jashinist Bitch was up. Hidan barged in, fuming, and grabbed Kisame's cup of water.

"Hey, give that back!" Kisame yelled. This time, they both flinched. Sasori leaned over to Hay-Lin.

"Can't you heal their hangovers?" he whipered, tired of all the yelling.

"I can, but it's more entertaining this way." She replied. He nodded in understanding.

"I see. So it is" Kakuzu lumbered in, muttering something about raised taxes. I grinned. Zombies are fun to annoy, especially when they can't annoy you back. I quietly walked up, then leaned in, real close to his ear, then,

"HAI!" I yelled, screaming at the top of my lungs, effectively blowing out his eardrums and waking everyone else up, not to mention worsening their already splitting headaches. Satisfied at my handiwork, I went down to the basement, which was finished, with a carpet, a TV, a computer, and everything. My den. I, being quite bored now, turned on the TV. I checked all my normal channels, including the new one, Funimation, to see what was on. Then, I tried to find Naruto and/or Bleach on the guide. Nothing. So, I went on demand and put on a movie. About halfway through the movie, hay-Lin appeared at the middle of the stairs, holding a cardboard tube. You know, the kind that you get from paper towels. Only this one was white.

"Do you want it?" she asked, holding it out to me..

"Yush" I said, grabbing it, my eyes glued to the screen. I held it to me, almost tenderly."Where'd you get it?"

"We ran out of plastic wrap. Well, that box of it anyways. I already restocked it."

"K, now leave." I said, clinging to the tube. I had a new toy. I finished the movie and had not let go of the 'stick' once. Even to outline my newest Kitty drawings. That's what tails are for. Holding precious objects. Call me crazy, but it's my hobby. I turn people I know/ anime characters into cats. On paper at least. When we actually turn them into cats, that's what they look like. This new batch had 26 peoples, including Pesche, Dondochakka, Mist, Hay-Lin, and myself. The only reason I made the first two into Kitties is because they are funny, and two of my favorite Bleach characters. Oi, I _am_ crazy. Hay-Lin then came in and kicked me out of the basement so that she could watch her precious LMN. I'm going to sabotage it someday. Not today, though. Having nothing better to do, I went up to the 'office' to watch _my_ precious animes. I could easily do so in any of my rooms, however, this time I welcome interruptions. Sort of. I first checked fanfic, to see how many people read my fanfictions today. Then, DA. I'm still kinda upset about DA, though. There are people there who accused me of tracing my Kitties. They obviously didn't know who I am. No worries, though. Once they met Ninetails and Demon Kitty, they magically shut up, never to be heard from again. A few new deviation stacks, look, see, favorite, exit. Messages, read, reply, move on. Oh, my conversation! Yeah, I know. I get bored enough to share nicknames within a giant, never ending conversation on DA with my first ever reviewer from fanfic. Fun. Then, my e-mail: nothing. Just a bunch of junk mail from Barnes and Noble advertising random political junk for my nook. I sighed. Maybe I should go bother someone. Someone new, who has never been my victim. Fresh meat. None of the Akatsuki, maybe…Juugo? No, that could end badly. Then, salvation.

"Shonan, do you want some grapes and tea?" hay-Lin, I swear. Some nights you are like an angle to save me from the pit of despair and terrors that is boredom. Bringing my new stick with me, (which I still hadn't let go of) I went downstairs to the kitchen. Deidara and Zetsu were with her, along with the Weasel.

"So, she still hasn't let go of the tube, has she?" asked Deidara, reaching out to take it. Of course, I snapped at him. Damn, I _just_ missed his fingers.

"Careful, her teeth are harder than diamonds and sharper than any of her weapons" warned Hay-Lin, who was calmly sipping her chai tea. Tachi had Jasmine, Deidara had green tea, and Zetsu had chamomile. I always had black tea, caffeinated. Strangely enough, that-along with the scent of vanilla- calms me down.

"What a bitch! I was just getting some chocolate!" I looked to my left-or was it right? No, that's definitely left…I think…-and sure enough, there was a chocolate bar. A couple chocolate bars, actually. Oh. Ah, well. The bastard deserved it for going near my new toy. I swear, I can never get along with him. It's purely impossible.

"My guess is that she's gonna cling to that tube all day, or even a week and never let go. Then, she got _that_ grin on her face. Oh, noes. I must protect teh magical stick of doom at all timesh. No one lays a hand on the stick. I finished my tea and went up to my room, the one with three bunks. I yawned. Alarmed, I checked my calendar. December 22. That explains it. First day of winter…wait a minute, wasn't it Thanksgiving yesterday? I distinctly remember annoying everyone half to death. What's going on? _I'm assuming it's a space-time rift, linked to Krystalia's sudden disappearance. She told me that if anything bad ever happened to her in another dimension, this world's time would either speed up or slow down. We have to save her._ Great, there goes my vacation. I sighed. _Fine.__ Good. Meet me in the MAF meeting room. I'll alert Mist._ I trudged down to our private meeting hall (well, it's a room, but still), where we discuss things amongst each other, about each other. We use it to make large, important decisions. "Okay, now that we're all here, let's begin." Said Hay-Lin. She usually leads our meetings. "Mist, you lived in Las Noches for a while, so you know its layout well, correct?"

"Yes, in fact, I'm a privaron Espada. I'm arrancar number 101."

"Wow, impressive! Nicely done! That means you know the Espada quarters well, correct?"

"Yes"

"Um, one question. How do you people know that Krystalia's in Las Noches at all?" I asked.

"I traced her chakra signature there. After that, it vanishes. I'm assuming that there's some sekki-sekki rock there." said Hay-Lin, not even looking up from her notes. She's such a nerd. "Mist, you know where Las Noches' dungeons are, don't you?"

"Yes, though they're not a pleasant place." She responded.

"Shonan," I looked up from my cardboard tube. You know, it needs a name. Meh, I'll find one later.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Can you open one of your lightning portals to Las Noches?"

"Can I bring the stick?"

"No!"

"Then your answer is also no"

"What? Why not? We have to rescue Krystalia!"

"I won leave wifout muh stick." Hay-Lin thought this over.

"Fine, but don't be a nuisance" she said with a resigned sigh.

"Yayz!" I hugged my toy, then used my epically awesome, kickass kekkei-genkai to form a large sphere of lightning. Yes, I do know big words like sphere, baka. It was an interdimentional portal. We stepped through it, and in a flash, we were in Las Noches. "Not very colorful, is it?" I asked. Mist motioned for me to be quiet and began to lead us to the dungeons. We wandered through them a bit, when we heard someone coming. We hid behind some columns, but I accidentally kicked a stone, and its rolling echoed throughout the dungeon.

"Freeze!" called out a voice. Was that…Grimmjow? I peeked out from behind my column, still clutching my new toy. _God, Shonan. What is that thing, your lifeline? _I ignored her. It _was_ Grimmjow!

"Grimmkitty!" I called, running out to greet him. He froze, then slowly turned towards my voice.

"Shonan? What are you doing here? I haven't seen you in years! Is anyone else here with you?"

"Yeah, good to see you too. The three of us are looking for Krystalia. She wouldn't happen to be here, would she?" asked Hay-Lin, steeping out from behind of her column. Grimmjow greeted her and Mist, who had also come out of hiding.

"Well, kind of. Not exactly. Aizen will explain." said Grimmjow, leading us to Aizen's 'lair'. When we got there, he knocked on the giant door. I heard a faint 'come in' and we went inside.

" More friends, Grimmjow?" asked a silky, smooth voice coming from up front. I looked up and saw Aizen, Gin, and Tosen on an elevated platform above a set of wide, low steps. Judging by the voice, the one who had spoken was Aizen, the traitor. Gin, now internationally (in my mind, at least) known as Cheshire due to the constant grin, looked at me strangely, or maybe that's just his face. Hard to tell.

"They want to know what happened to Krystalia, and yes, they are my other three friends whom I left ten years ago to come here." But Aizen wasn't listening. His eyes were fixed on Mist. She noticed, then slightly nervous, said,

"Yes, Aizen-sama?"

" Are you Mist, the previous first Espada?" then, turning to address Grimmjow, "Grimmjow, you told me ten years ago that she was dead. Are these imposters?" Grimmjow shifted nervously.

"No, Aizen-sama"

"prove it, trash." Ah, so the blind mouse _can_ speak. Uchiha wannabe. Mist looked at Hay-Lin, who nodded and made a few hand signs. Grimmjow and I went to higher ground. Or rather, I went to higher ground and dragged him behind me. Kitties have to stick up for each other, you know.

"Water style, exploding water shockwave!" cried out Hay-Lin, slamming her fist into the ground. Soon, the entire room was flooded. It looked like a giant lake, reminding me that I haven't eaten in a while. I looked down at the water, which was level to the platform where I was sitting. Sweet, I get room service. I prodded the water with a twig and waited. No fish. What kind of a lake doesn't have fish?

"Hay-Lin, I'm hungry!" I complained to Hay-Lin, who had appeared beside me.

" Drink water, there's plenty of it and it normally helps."

"I can't"

"Technically, you can"

"It just makes me hungrier."

"you're right, you can't"

"See. Also, there's no feesh."

"Yes there is, look" she said, pointing to the center of the lake. Mist had just touched her sword to the surface of the water.

"Submerge, Sereia" she glowed blue, with rivelts of blue energy swirling around her, obscuring her from view. Next thing I know, she's a mermaid!

"Wow, did not see that one coming"

"You're really dense."

"I know." Mist was now completely different. Her hair was down, her mask looked more like a crown than ever, and she had a beautifully shiny blue fish tail. Too bad she's my friend, otherwise I would eat her. She still had her zanpakto, how strange! She muttered something, and a torrent of water gushed out of the tip of her sword, and surrounding it. She pointed it at a wall, and carved a 'M' in it with a thin, concentrated jet stream of water. Then, she sealed her Zanpakto and went back to normal. "Wow, that was awesome!" I cried, running over to meet Mist. I may not be a ninja(technically), but I could if I wanted to. The only difference between Krystalia, Hay-Lin, and I and normal kunoichi is our appearance, and the fact that we don't belong to any ninja villages. Never have, never will. "You turned into a fish person!" Aizen had a look of 'is she _always_ like this?' that I've grown so used to.

"Okay, we believe you. Now, your friend got taken by soul reapers Ichigo Kurosaki, Renji Abarai, and Rukia Kuchki, along with the Quincy, Uryu Ishida and human Yasutora Sado in ransom for _their_ friend, Orihime Inoue."

"And you just _let _them take her?" I asked, rage bubbling inside me.

"yes, she had just come mere hours ago, we weren't about to save some random girl." In seconds, I was behind the three. I whacked them with my cardboard tube of doom (okay, it _really_ needs a name now) on the back of the head, knocking out Tosen with the impact. I happen to particularly dislike him. All of their heads snapped forward at the impact. Cheshire rubbed the sore, possibly fractured spot.

"What was that for?"

"Payback" I answered coldly. I'm not gonna miss Christmas because they failed to rescue or at least prevent the capture of one of my closest friends.

"What do you know, maybe it _is_ her lifeline! It makes a decent weapon, at least." Mist told Hay-Lin, who nodded in shock at the mere power of my awesome cardboard tube (see how lame that sounds? That's why it needs a name).

"Hay-Lin, take us to the Soul Society's prison" I said, my cold, leaderly self taking over. She nodded, then we were in the seireitei's prison. Her kekkei-genkai have their uses. Suddenly, a large shadow came up behind us. I slowly turned around to see a giant behemoth. Kempachi Zaraki. Apparently, he was assigned to guard Krystalia, or at least the prison. He reached down and, with much difficulty, as I had a death grip on it, took my toy from me.

"Well, well. What do we have here? Three little girls with a cardboard tube come to rescue their friend?" I didn't know what made me angrier. The fact that a) he called me little, or b) he took my new toy. Enraged, I attacked him. In a rare act of compassion, I will spare you more queasy readers from the bloody massacre's details. This story _is_ rated T, after all/ All I'll say is that he met my friendlie, all of them, and now, he was laying in a pool of his own sticky blood, barely alive, possibly mentally scarred for life, traumatized, and way uglier than he was before. And that's saying something. I was standing above him, a dreadful shadow, with a bloody white cardboard tube in hand. However, idiots don't die, so he's probally not dead. I'm not allowed to kill of major characters from animes. Pity. Mist and hau-Lin looked at me in horror.

"Well, let's go find Krystalia!" I said, cheerily skipping off to find her cell. Tip 6- never separate people from their precious treasures. Remember that.

**A/N: Yay! finally gotthis behemoth chapter out! 2, 941 words! my longest chapter yet! So happy! I have up to chapter 13 planned out, up to ch. 8 writtem, and have to start typing ch. 7. I'll try to have ch 13 out by christmas. Also, there is fanart linked to my profile, if you want to see what anyone looks like etc. I hope you guys like it! i worked really hard on this chapter! Please review! Also, if you can, please help me come up with a name for Shonan's carboard tube! I'd really appreciate it! There is now a poll open to name it! Please vote!**


	8. Home Sweet Home

**Ch. 7- Home sweet Home**

**Tip 7- It's good to be back home.**

**Krystalia**

I woke up and the first thing I saw was my guard, Kempachi Zaraki, laying on the floor, barely alive in a pool of his own blood, surrounded by Shonan, who was holding a white cardboard tube, Hay-Lin, and Mist, both sporting horrified faces. Naturally, my first thoughts were: a) Kempachi was defeated and lying in his own blood (with the eye patch off, mind you) , b) I'm free!, and c) Oh, god. Shonan found a new toy. I rubbed my eyes sleepily. "What are you guys doing here?" I reached out to crack my knuckles, then cringed. Those soul reapers are pretty brutal to their prisoners. After taking me as a hostage failed, they tortured me for information. Of course, being the underappreciated loyal friend I was, I stayed quiet. Hay-Lin looked over and quickly took note of my extensive injuries.

"Krystalia! What happened to you?" she cried out, unlocking my cell ( apparently, Kempachi had the keys) and rushing to my side to heal me. It felt so good to be uninjured…

"Krystalia, can you fix time at home? We're going to miss Christmas." Whined Shonan. I looked at the cardboard tube in her hand.

"Yes, and _why_ exactly do you have a white cardboard tube?"

"Iz mah new toy" We're doomed.

"Let's go fetch the Espadas." I said, wanting to go back home quickly. So, we headed off. After a few minutes, Mist asked what I'm sure they were all thinking.

" Krystalia, why aren't you using your kekkei-genkai?" she asked.

"Two reasons- one, I can't., this rock doesn't enable me to use it without my staff, and two, they took my staff."

"Easy fix." said Hay-Lin, reaching into the endless bag and getting my staff. "Here" she said, handing it to me. It was silver, and had three dragon-like claws gripping a lavender and blue swirled orb. My clan's symbol. Blue was time, lavender was space.

"Thanks!" I replied, slamming the end of my staff on the ground. A large portal opened up in front of us, and we stepped through. In a nanosecond, we were in Las Noches (portals are fun).

"Beholdeth, for the mighty nights of the shinobi world have returned! All of your miserable lives just got that much better!" cried Shonan, dramatically bowing at the end, then straightening up to her full height, that is to say-not much. Grimmjow sighed. This was just like Shonan.

"Our lives just got that much worse. You're back" Nnoitora snickered. Shonan's eyes burned with fury as she whipped her head to glare at them. "H-hey, you know I was just kidding, right Shonan?" apologized Grimmjow, his hands up in surrender. Shonan nodded, then turned her attention back to us.

"Well, we should continue our plans. Now that Shonan and Hay-Lin are here, we won't have to leave Las Noches at all." I said. I saw Aizen's eyes brighten slightly at 'Shonan'. Too bad she won't be showing off…yet. "Hay-Lin, if you'll do the honors…" Hay-Lin nodded, glad to show off a bit, and made some hand signs. The ground rumbled, then expanded and cleared out into a large open space, the perfect size for the portal. Of course I could do it too, but I need my energy. "That's good, thanks." I said. I slammed my staff into the ground, a favorite move of mine, and focused all my powers into it. It amplifies my power by a tenfold, good for situations like this. The markings on the orb began to swirl around quickly, the colors melting into one continuous, smooth color, and a large portal to our world began to open. The Espadas all gaped at the giant hole. "What? You've never seen a portal? Go on, step inside. It won't hurt." They're all chickens. Hay-Lin took advantage of the portal and stepped in, disappearing in a flash. Mist and Shonan followed. "I'll stay behind to close the portal and make sure you all get in." Hesitantly, Aizen, Gin, and Tosen followed. The Espadas, still a bit unsure, followed, in order by number. I nodded, feeling accomplished, and stepped through, closing the portal behind me. When I opened my eyes, I saw the Espadas, staring in disbelief, at the small cottage in front of them. Shonan was rolling on the floor, clutching her sides in laughter. Then, a few seconds later, she was up in a tree, hissing and swearing at the snow on the ground. It's the day after Thanksgiving (which I missed, thanks to the damn soul reapers), isn't it? Wow, time really _has_ gone whacky here. Mist and Hay-Lin were snickering at Shonan's misfortune, the latter videotaping the whole thing.

"What…is this stuff?" asked Starrk, fascinated by the falling snow.

"Snow. I'd better set the time right." I said, turning back time. It was kind of cool, watching all the snow melt and reveal dry, colorful autumn leaves around us as we watched, encased in a bubble of frozen time/no time. I saw Ulquiorra, perplexed, watching. Soon, a few moments later, everything was back to normal. There was a stunned silence, then…

"That was so cool, Krysty!" cried Shonan, jumping-in cat form- from the tree to Nnoitora's head, who began to try to pry her off. I noticed the cardboard tube still clutched in her kitty tail. I cringed.

"How many times have I asked you _not_ to call me Krysty?" I asked, irritated. Shonan thought this over.

"Dunno, more than I can count" she said, pawing at Nnoitora's eye patch. _That could mean anywhere five or more.__ She counts her cats and 'followers'…__That's different. To her, that's important. __Oh, I see._ Nnoitora had given up trying to pry her off, realizing after she dug her claws into his skull that she wasn't letting go. She jumped down and turned into her half-form. She released the genjutsu, and watched everyone's expressions change. She snickered, then barged in the door and yelled, "I'm home, bitches!" I heard a loud crash, followed by 'shit, she's here! Hide!' from one of the guys, probably Hidan or Kidomaru. They never learn, do they. All the Espadas were gaping At the pure splendor of the house. "Wow, they _are_ just like the Akatsuki! They did the same thing!"

"Or Orochimaru's group" offered Mist.

"Nah, I prefer to compare them to the Akatsuki. I even have a list! Hay-Lin, the list, if you will." She said, nobly holding out her hand. Hay-Lin sighed, then reached into the endless bag and pulled out a scroll. "Thanks, see! I _do_ have a list! We use it to see who we save from certain death!" said Shonan cheerily. Then she changed completely. "I'm gonna find out what those little shits did and punish them, brutally ripping them limb from limb, then reaching into their pitiful stomachs, pull out their useless intestines and force feed them to them. Then I'll make them drink their own blood and watch as they gag and eventually die! Isn't that fun! After that, I'll drag their lifeless corpses to either Pein or the torture room and brutally beat the shit out of them, mauling them so badly that even their own mothers won't be able to recognize them! Or at least Hidan, who can't die, but then at least he'll feel all the pain!" she finished, her eyes clouding over with blood lust. Hay-Lin stepped in and pressed two fingers to her forehead, sending calming chakra to Shonan, while strengthening her seals, preventing Demon Kitty and/or Ninetails from breaking free of their seals. The Espadas and Pein, who had come to the door to greet us, were standing in place, frozen in shock, their mouths gaping open, and some shaking (slightly) in fear and horror. Mist, Hay-Lin, and I were perfectly calm, being used to moments like this by now. Pein, still recovering from shock, straightened up, and shakily said,

"Well, let's go inside, everyone's waiting, though not all are happy. I also see you brought new friends."

"Yup! They're the Espadas! They're from Mist's world!" said Shonan, skipping inside, radiating sparkles, flowers, and rainbows, not to mention the nyan cats. A bit _too_ cheerful. Hidan should tread carefully. There's no telling just what she could do now. Shonan's very dangerous right now. She's ready to kill. She won't kill anyone mortal, and since Hidan is the only true immortal, he's her favorite object of torture. She herself has no fear of dying, since she's immortal too. Tobi ran up to Shonan, tackling her to the ground in a crushing hug.

"Shonan-chan! Tobi is so glad that you're back, safe and sound! Tobi was so worried when you left! Tobi protected all your stuff when you were gone, especially when Deidara and Hidan broke in and messed with your stuff! Tobi chased them out and-oof!"

"Get off!" cried Shonan, pushing Tobi away. She stood up and brushed herself off, then paused as his words registered. "They did _WHAT?_ When I get my hands on those jerks, they're _DEAD!_ Dead, I say, DEAD!" she yelled, storming off to maul the offenders.

"I'd better go restrain her…" said Hay-Lin, who then hurried off.

"Well, you guys get settled, your rooms are on the fourth floor." I said, heading off. On my way to my room, I passed by a window. It was snowing. _Okay, Mist ,Krystalia, Shonan has been restrained. Meet me in the MAF meeting room. We have important matters to discuss.__ How did you restrain her?__ I gave her a Rubik's cube.__ Ah, okay. Be there in a sec._ I teleported to the meeting room. Hay-Lin was already there, waiting. I sat down in my spot. A minute later, Mist pushed away a tapestry and entered the room. "How do you always get here so quickly, Mist?" I asked.

"Shonan taught me some secret passageways." She answered. "So, Hay-Lin, what's so important?"

"We have a mission. Get Shonan and Deidara together."

"But why? Those two get along like water and oil!" I cried out.

"Yes, but have you seen the way he looks at her sometimes? I believe that his antics are just a way to get attention from her. I believe that some time alone would do them some good." I nodded.

"Yeah, but how are we going to get them alone? It's impossible here!"

"We send them on a mission." Said Mist quietly.

"Exactly. I've already come up with a prototype mission. Here, take a look at this." Said Hay-Lin, pulling out a scroll and showing us. I read over it, as did Mist. Our eyes widened.

"T-that's a perfect plan!" I cried out.

"Yes, and here's a script for Pein, with answers to any possible question they could ask." She gave us yet another scroll.

"You've really thought this through, Hay-Lin." said Mist.

"Yes, and this plan is made even better by the fact that there's a huge snowstorm coming that hits about mid-mission for them. It should keep them snowed in for at least a good two days."

"Perfect timing…" I mused.

"So, what do you think? Should I deliver it to pein?"

"Maybe tomorrow. It's late today. We should sleep." Said Mist.

"Okay, great! Tomorrow, then. Meeting adjourned." Said Hay-Lin, putting away the scrolls and teleporting off. Mist returned to her room, as did I. Tomorrow, huh? I look forward to it. Tip 7- It's good to be back home.

**A/N: I finally got this chapter out! Review! I have a new system. I will only put up a new chapter when I get a certain amount of reviews from DIFFERENT people. Even if it's just something stupid like hi! or nice story! That way, I also have more time to type out the chapters. So, review!**


	9. Sleigh Ride

**Ch. 8- Sleigh Ride**

**Tip 8- Never underestimate the quiet, they can surprise you.**

**Hay-Lin**

Well, I gave my mission plan to Pein. Since he's my underling, he had to accept it. However, he also said that to make the mission more convincing, he _would_ send Krystalia and I on missions. He decided to send me on a mission with Juugo, and that's how I ended up in a horse-drawn sleigh beside him. Apparently, we have a day to go into some town and assassinate a man who knows too much about the Akatsuki. Fun. In an attempt to break the awkward silence that had settled between us, I turned on the sleigh's radio. And guess what song started playing? That's right, Sleigh Ride, one of my favorite Christmas songs. Sometimes I hate the lyrics, though. We were supposed to act like a young couple, since this town was a vacationing town for young couples. But how am I supposed to act like I actually _like_ that silent giant beside me? It - I mean he – never really does anything except talk to random birds! The only things breaking the silence were the radio, the sleigh bells, and my humming along to the song happily, although lost in thought. Then I felt something lightly touch my hand. I looked down and saw Juugo's hand atop mine. I gasped. "What do you think you're doing?" I hissed. I couldn't be too loud, someone might hear. I can never be too cautious. Even if the ANBU aren't aware of my existence, they might be after Juugo. You just never know.

"We're nearing the town, we must put on our act." Said Juugo, not even batting an eye.

"Oh, okay then" I grumbled, resigned to my fate. I couldn't tell if it was just a cover story or not from his calm, caring expression. I tried to read his mind and see, but oddly enough, I was blocked out. What is he hiding that I shouldn't know? Soon enough, though. I was able to see the town growing closer through the trees. We soon entered the town. It was fairly small, no bigger than a village. Not a hidden village, just a village. There was snow on the brightly lit rooftops, and Christmas lights everywhere. It was beautiful. One of the advantages of being farther up north. Even though it was only the first week of December, everything was already blanketed in snow._ So, where's out target?_ I asked, wanting to get the mission over with. _He's a merchant, so in one of the mediocre or shambled houses. Apparently he's very wealthy and makes a profit from the black market .__Got it._ Wow, I'm surprised Juugo talks so much mentally. Our little mental conversation was disguised by my leaning on his shoulder, giving him various compliments. Sickening. This is something Krystalia should do. She grew up in a noble family, so she's good at faking emotions, especially love. I would occasionally blush at some of his answers, sometimes for real. I hate this mission already. I searched the minds of everyone in the village for the word 'Akatsuki' by using my Telepathy. My result: two-thirds of the village knew about the Akatsuki. This could take a while. We checked into an inn, and then entered the room. We had to get a cheap, shady inn for Kakuzu not to have a heart attack when we give him the bill. To my horror, there was only one bed. That innkeeper is going to die. I look forward to it. I checked to see if the couch could unfold into a bed. I was out of luck. Great. I would be spending the night with a psychotic killer. 'Relax, just don't anger him' I told myself, but to no avail.

"I could sleep on the couch, if you want" said Juugo, as if he could read my mind, not the other way around. Relief must have shown clearly on my face, because he then took a pillow and blanket and neatly lay them on the couch.

"Thank you" I said. "However, won't that be uncomfortable? I asked. No one deserves to sleep on a couch. Especially one as dirty as that one."I'm sure that if it's only one night then…" I trailed off, realizing what I had just done. Stupid kindheartedness. I sometimes loathe my over compassionate heart. I saw pure thanks and a bit of something else, though I couldn't quite tell what, light up in Juugo's eyes. "Enough talk, we should head out. The sooner, the better." I said, roughly turning towards the door, but was stopped when Juugo grabbed my wrist.

"Hay-Lin, thank you" he said, sincerity showing clearly in his eyes. Such beautiful eyes.

"T-thank you, I guess?" I'm not used to such close contact. Or at least such sincere and …loving?...contact. I don't like this. Maybe accepting this mission was a bad idea? Juugo might get the wrong idea and…No! Not going there! Juugo's not that kind of person. Maybe I should just go back…

"Come on. Let's go. We have a mission to complete and an entire village to search. We can start at the winter carnival." said Juugo, disrupting my train of thought.

"Okay" Damned winter carnival. There were game and food stalls everywhere, and most of the prises were cheesy stuffed animals or goldfish. Please kill me now. However, we had to act like a couple in love, so I was even more miserable. Holding hands, the occasional compliment, all that shit. Untill the catch a goldfish with a paper net stall. Juugo decided that we should try it out, so we did. I caught one on my first try, but Juugo just couldn't catch one. I watched in mild amusement as he sat there, trying to catch a goldfish, surrounded by masses of small children. Then, he eventually got fed up and turned into his 'curse mark state' and caught a goldfish, scaring all the little kids ads I laughed my head off. After that, I was able to lighten up a bit and enjoy the carnival. We went to one of those milk bottle stalls, where you try and knock over the milk bottles, and Juugo won me a little stuffed monkey. He's not a ninja for nothing, you know. It was actually kind of cute. The monkey, I mean. Then, we went on the Ferris wheel. I was able to get a good look of the village. It was quiet, so I spoke up. "I've narrowed down the options to three people. One is at his house, and lives alone. It's the second house from the end of the third street. We'll find him first." Juugo nodded. When we got off the Ferris wheel, we headed off. The house was in an old, abandoned alley, all rundown and dusty. It was in shambles. We reached for the door to knock, only for it to fall apart at the lightest touch. I shrugged, and looked inside. What I saw was amazing. The inside was lavishly decorated and furnished with antique furniture of every shape, size, and color. Who would expect the interior to be so…so…opposite the exterior! It was unbelievable! This _must_ be the house! If this isn't it, then I don't know what is. We cautiously entered the house, careful not to make a sound. I pointed to the stairs, where I could hear someone counting money, much like Kakuzu. Juugo nodded, and we headed up. There were five doors, and each was made with gold and ivory, with gemstones imbedded inside them. I wonder how the floor holds all this luxury up? We tried all the doors, one by one, until we go to the middle door. I slowly pushed it open to find…nothing. The silk curtains were flapping around in the wind, messily framing the hastily opened window. Damn, he must be a shinobi, and we just missed him. I went to the window. A shadowy figure was running across the rooftops, trying to escape us. "There he is, catch him!" I yelled, jumping out and landing on a rooftop. Juugo followed, and we started off after the man. He was probably out of practice, because we were able to catch up to him in five minutes. Juugo knocked him unconscious, and I searched his mind. "This is our guy." I said, swiftly killing the man. "We're done here, let's leave." We ended up staying the night, as to not arouse suspicions. We left at the crack of dawn the next day, killing the innkeeper. I decided to keep the stuffed monkey, it was rather cute. But I wouldn't tell a soul. It started snowing, and as we neared the base, we slowed to a walk. Again, I felt Juugo tentatively hold my hand. "Umm, Juugo? The mission's already over, we don't have to act like a couple anymore…"

"I know"

Tip 8- Never underestimate the quiter, they can surprise you.

**A/N: I'm recalling the review thing. Short chapter, boring to write.**


	10. Let It Snow

**Ch. 9- Let It Snow**

**Tip 9- Always look at the weather forecast before going on a mission.**

**Shonan**

I hate Pein. I'm going to get a magnet and kill him. How _dare_ he send me on a mission with that…that…that _thing!_ Okay, you deserve an explanation to my rants. So here's what happened…

_-Flashback-_

I was in the Kitchen, tormenting Kisame, when Deidara walks in.

"Shonan, un, Leader wants to see you."

"hm? M-kay, then." I followed him. In case you're one of the few that care, yes, I still have the Cardboard Tube of Doom. It has been quite useful to me. Whenever someone acts up, _*cough Nnoitora/Hidancough*_, just hit them on the head. It works wonders, I tell you! When we got to pein's office, he beckoned us to sit. "Both of us?" I asked, confused as to why Deidara would have to sit down too. After all, he was just the messenger. Or so I thought.

"Yes. We have a mission for you. Here is the mission scroll, Pein will explain the details further." said Konan.

"You are to steal an antique bow and arrow, solid gold, and said to be able to shoot any arrow with perfect accuracy and never miss. It is to be displayed in a resort for young couples next week." Uh-oh. I have a bad feeling about this…"We do not know when it's coming, so you have a week, no less. To get inside, you will have to act out the part of a couple in love. If you finish early, then enjoy yourselves and give the rest of us some peace and quiet around the base. It's all expenses paid for by the client. You will have a large honeymooning suite, with every possible luxury. You also have $10,000 spending money. Any questions?" explained Pein.

"Yes! Why do _I_ have to be paired up with _him?_" I asked, indignant.

"Deidara has to go because his skills are crucial to this mission, and you have to go because you're the closest girl to his age."

"But what about Hay-Lin? Or Krystalia? They _are_ the same age as him!"

"You know I'm still here, un" muttered Deidara.

"They both have other missions. You must embark effective immediately. The resort is located on a tropical island, just outside of wave country. It'll still be winter, though, so be careful. I bid you good luck."

_-End flashback-_

Can you believe the nerve! To think…Deidara and I get along like fire and oil!...Wait…no, _water_ and oil. See! Not at all! Stupid Pein-baka! So now you know why I'm stuck atop a giant clay bird behindDeidara. A week! I'm going to have to survive a week! My train of thought was cut off as the bird began to descend into the woods.

"We're nearing the resort, _Neko-tenshi_, un." Said Deidara. He now had short brown hair, much to his dismay. My hair was black as the darkest night, and drastically restyled. I was also in human form. I gritted my teeth at the nickname. We had to get false names. Mine was Aneki, taken from a friend of mine, Hirashi's master. Deidara's was, believe it or not, Izuru. Fitting.

"Oh, I can't wait, _Izu-kun_!" I said in a so-sweet-it's-deadly tone, latching onto his arm, a fake smile plastered on my face. A week. Dear god, save me. When we entered the lobby, a smiley lady came to greet us.

"Hello, hello! Welcome! Do you have a reservation?"

"It's under Izuru, un" Deidara responded. I couldn't help but laugh to myself softly, only to be elbowed in the ribs by Deidara.

"Ah, a honeymooning couple! How nice! Come, come, I'll show you to your room!" Ugh, she's too cheerful. When we entered the room, I was openmouthed with shock. The desk lady left us to admire the suite quietly.

"W-what _is_ this?" I asked. For a hotel suite, it sure was fancy! Gold and ivory embedded with precious gemstones everywhere! It was ocean themed, with golden seashells adorning the white and blue walls, a golden seahorse fountain, and beautiful blue silk curtains covering windows with a marvelous ocean view. Golden fish swam around the suite, just adding to the charm and splendor. The window frames-gold and ivory. The light blue and ivory speckled tiles on the floor were so well-polished I could see my reflection. The rooms were enormous, almost as big as the ones at home! I can't even _begin_ to describe it! It would make a valiant addition in the house. The 143rd floor would be perfect for it…Then I got to the room. A single king-size canopy bed stood in the center of the room, surrounded by a blue-and-gold silk curtain. Light blue velvet underneath, gold silk over it. The posts holding up the canopy were ivory with golden seashells adorning them. Oh my. I looked around for anything else soft I could possibly sleep on, even in cat form, but found nothing. Well, there was the windowsill, but it was cold and hard. Besides, they have a no pets policy.

"So…what are we going to do about this, un?" asked Deidara. I thought back to the fanfics that I've read and came to a conclusion.

"Well, since it's a king size, then you take that side, and I'll take this side." I said, pointing to opposite sides of the bed. "So long as no one moves, we should be fine."

"That could work, un." Deidara said, sitting on the edge of the bed. "What should we do about the bow, un?"

"Keep watch while acting sickeningly couplish." I deadpanned.

"Yeah, but how, un?"

"You could use some sort of clay creature to spy on the hold. Once it comes, we can steal it under the cover of the night." I said, pointing on places on a blueprint. I had 'found' it lying carelessly on the ground. In reality, I just used a genjutsu on a normal map to make it reveal the blueprint. Deidara was silent, and stared at me. And stared. And then stared some more. "What?" I asked.

"That's actually a really good plan, un." I beamed. "I'll plant some clay spider around the hold and outside. They can keep watch. I'll know when it comes in, un." He made some clay spiders and sent them to the hold through the air duct. "Now then, he said after a few moments of silence, "we can enjoy ourselves for a bit, un." I backed away a bit. I desperately hoped he meant go around the resort and relaxing. He took my hand. "Let's go, un! The beach is waiting!"

"Shouldn't we get our swimsuits on before going to the beach?" I asked.

"Oh, yeah…in that case, meet me there, un!" he said, heading to the restroom to change.

"K" Going to the beach. With Deidara. Because of a damn mission. In the winter. Is he crazy?

"By the way, it's an indoor beach, the map is in the lobby." He informed me through the door. Ah, okay. It's indoor, so it won't be nearly as cold. I quickly put on my swimsuit, then headed off. When I finally got there (I got lost), Deidara was there, waiting for me. Please excuse my OOC, obsessed fangirl-ness when I say that he looked hot in his swimsuit. Home come I never noticed before? You know, if this keeps up, I could-I shook my head. Not going there. Don't let my inner fangirl break through. Okay, OOC-ness moment over. Especially with what happened next. "Like what you see, un?" He said, grinning. I realized I was staring, my mouth gaping slightly. I quickly shut my mouth and turned my head, my cheeks burning.

"I should say the same to you, Izu-kun." I spat out, blushing furiously. He chuckled.

"You're so cute when you're embarrassed." He said, putting his arm around my waist. Stupid mission. I was wearing a blue and black jaguar print tankini with my symbol (a paw print) on the side. The bottom half had a skirt-like covering. The straps were black, and tied around my neck and behind my back. Shoulders free, as is required unless I want to ruin my clothes if Ninetils somehow breaks free of his seals.

"Che, let's just go." I said, slightly annoyed at myself. To get caught like that was just, just…gah. We sat on the beach towel we had brought. It had cats on it, and that's the only reason liked it. I was listening to the waves when Deidara leaned in near my ear.

"The bow is here, un" he whispered.

"Okay, we fetch it tonight." I answered. Then, he kissed me lightly on the check and sat back on his hands. What the hell was that about? I touched the spot where he kissed me lightly. Deidara lay down with a small smile on his face, enjoying the 'sun'. They have a genjutsu here that allows the room to reflect the actual time outside, while keeping the tropical temperatures. After a while (after his nap), Deidara decided to go in the water. He grabbed my wrist, making me stumble after him. "Gah, what are you doing?"

"Going in the water, un!"

"Let go! I don't wanna go!"

"Oh, come on, it'll be fun, un!" he said as he reached the water's edge. Heshoved me forward into the water. I stumbled a bit, but quickly regained my footing. I turned around to yell t him, only to be greeted by a splash of water in the face.

"Oh, it's on now!" I cried, splashing water in _his_ face, my competitive attitude taking over. We had a full scale water war, and by the end of it, we were collapsed on the sand, laughing like small children. By now, it was sunset, and there were only a couple people left on the beach. We climbed up on a large rock to watch it. We watched for a bit, before anyone spoke.

"Shonan, un…" I turned my head to look at him.

"Ye-" was all I managed to say before he kissed my. A real kiss, not like the one from before. Oh. My. God. I just got kissed. My first kiss, and by Deidara, too! What's going on? "D-Deidara, what-"

"we've go to keep up appearances, un." Somehow I doubted that was the case, seeing how there was no one at the beach anymore.

"But there's no one here anymore!"

'really, un? I didn't notice. Oh well, let's go back to the room, un." He said, ruffling my hair and standing up, offering me a hand. Wary of the mouths, I took it, then said,

" Let's go get the bow, then we can leave."

"Okay, un." We made our way to the entrance to the hold after drying off and changing. I didn't have to change, seeing as how my swimsuit could pass of as normal clothes. Deidara just put his clothes on over his swimsuit. I searched for chakra signatures to make sure the path was clear.

"Our enemies' defenses contain five weak gennin, five chunnin, one jonin, and about ten normal men. We should be able to get past them easily if we each take half. Where's the bow hidden?"

"The back room, un. There are two automated padlocks that need passwords between it and us, un."

"Okay then, it looks like I'll need this." I said, a vial with golden liquid appearing in my hand.

"What's that, un?" asked Deidara.

"Truth serum. This is a special kind that also intoxicates the victim while making them tell the truth. It you come across him, keep the jonin alive so I can get the password, okay?"

"Fine, un, but we have to be quick." He said, crossly going off to do his part. Since this is a stealth mission, he can't blow anything up. Pity. Gleefully, I turned into a cat and headed off to find the guards. The first one I spotted was a normal man. I jumped on his head gracefully, wrapping my tail around his head, covering his eyes.

"what the-" then, I shoved my claws in his neck, at the base of the spinal cord, killing him. My claws are very sharp, registered as lethal weapons. And I have the papers to prove it! I continued this process or one very similar to it, with the rest of the guards. I didn't find the jonin, which means that Deidara was holding him up. When I found Deidara, he had the jonin tied up, a look of fear and recognition in his eyes.

"Well done, Deidara." I said, getting the serum.

"What took you so long, un?"

"_You_ try navigating countless boxes in cat form!" I said, glaring at him. I turned to the jonin and pouring the elixir down his throat. His mouth was already gaping open, so it was an easy task.

"What's your name?" I asked, my voice hypnotic, just to be save. I motioned to Deidara. I'm not good at remembering things.

"K-Kajika" he answered shakily.

"Good! How old are you?" Deidara gave me a WTF look.

"35" huh, almost the same age as whistle-fish! I shot Deidara a warning look.

"Okay Kajika. What's the passcode for the first door guarding the bow?" he looked nervous, but answered.

"0257" Realization dawned on Deidara's face, and he took note of the code. That scope can be rather useful.

"And the second door?"

"58792" the guard answered.

"Good! Now die." I said, slitting his throat with a kunai, my eyes flashing demonically.

"Wasn't that a bit brutal? And what about the blood?" asked Deidara.

"genjutsu" I replied, laying out a simple genjutsu. The blood vanished instantly. "K, let's go. The sooner we get the bow, the sooner I can relax." So, we headed off. When we got to it, I gasped in awe. On a pedestal, there stood a beautifully carved golden bow with intricate designs and various gemstones. Wary of any traps, I slowly reached out to grab it. As soon as I touched it, I took it and dropped a weighted sandbag in its place. Nothing happened. Good.

"Where will we store it, un?" asked Deidara. I waved my hand over it and watched it disappear.

"Problem solved." Che, my kekkei-genkai is awesome, admit it.

"Wow, that was cool, un." said Deidara, fascinated.

"Yeah, yeah. Big deal. Let's go before we get caught!" I said, heading off. We made it to the upper hallway when I tripped on air. Again. It's a bad habit of mine. "Shit" I hissed. Stubbing your toe is not fun. However, it's a lot less pleasant without a furball there to catch you.

"Did you hear that?" we heard a faraway guard ask, followed by the sound of running foorsteps. Deidara swore, then grabbed my wrist.

"In here, un." he said, dragging me into the storage closet. He closed the door quietly and we waited. Deidara put his hand over my mouth to keep me quiet. My eyes widened as I remembered - or rather, felt - that he had mouths on his palms. The guards' footsteps passed by us, and he let out a sigh of relief. He slowly released me. "Good, we're safe, un. Also, sorry about that, un. Had to keep you quiet." He grinned, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head. I nodded mutely. When me were sure the guards had passed, we went upstairs. "What do you say we go to a bar and celebrate our victory, un?"

"I don't drink…"

"You don't have to, un. We'll get you something else."

"M-kay then. So long as you don't get drunk, or at least too drunk, let's go." And so we went. We sat down at a table. Soon, a scantily clad waitress came to our table. Dirty whore. Disgusting, absolutely revolting.

"Ah, a young couple! What can I get you folks today?" she asked, grinning from ear to ear and taking in every detail of Deidara's face. Naturally, being an Akatsuki member, this made him nervous. He tried to hide the moths on his hands, but to no avail. The waitress saw them. "My, my! You must do some pretty amazing things with those hands of yours!"

"Yup! He makes art!" I piped up. Deidara facepalmed. I wonder why?

"Oh, really!" the waitress' grin grew ever wider.

"Uh-huh! He makes clay birdies that go 'boom!'" I said, smiling.

"Oh…really…I'll go give your order to the chef…" then she hightailed it out of there. I don't think she liked us very much…

"Shonan, un," I looked up."You're a genius, you know that, un?"

"I'm hungry. I didn't even get to order…" Deidara chuckled, then waved over another waiter, a good one, and placed our orders. Some sake, steak, and dango for him, and guava nectar, salmon, and dango for me .Our orders came, we ate, and surprisingly enough, Deidara didn't get drunk. We went back to our suite. I looked outside quickly. Obviously, it was dark. No big deal. However, it had started to rain, possibly even freezing rain. Sleeping outside was out of question. Great.

"Well, I'm going to go take a shower, un." Said Deidara, grabbing a towel on his way to the restroom. Taking advantage of my newfound freetime, I grabbed my book and climbed into the bed, turning on the lamp. Half an hour later, I heard the bathroom door open and looked up. And guess who was standing there but a towel-clad Deidara. I felt my cheeks burn and turned away, but not before he noticed. "Like what you see, un?"

"W-what! N-no! Not at all!" I stammered. Before I knew what was happening, he was beside me, looking over my shoulder.

"What're you reading, hm?" he asked. I could feel his hot breath above my head, his wet hair dripping on the covers. My cheeks burned. No, I couldn't be falling for that furball, could I? it must just be the proximity, and-_**Snap out of it, Shonan. Pay attention. Answer the question**_ Demon Kitty reprimanded me. She's quite a good friend. Whenever I forget and get lost in my mind, Demon Kitty rescues me. Ninetails just sits around and watches, the lazy bastard. _**Hey, watch it. I can hear you, you know.**_ Oops.

"Warriors" I answered. I just love the kitties. They're just like my cats. Deidara looked rather interested now.

"What's it about, un?"

"Forest cats" I answered bluntly. "I'm going to go take a shower now, so kindly move."

"Whatever you say, neko-tenshi, un." He said, grinning as he moved aside. I gritted my teeth, made my way to the bathroom, and locked the door. Deidara hangs out with Hidan sometimes, so who knows how his mind works. Certainly not me. We don't want any 'accidents' happening, now do we. I looked around. For a guy, especially one in the Akatsuki, he sure cleans up nice. Everything was in the right spot, noting out of place. Good. I nodded to myself, then got in the shower. An hour later, I came out. Luckily, I had brought my pj's, and was able to change in the bathroom. When I opened the door, Deidara looked up from the desk where he was making a clay sculpture. Was that…me? It didn't matter, because he quickly destroyed it. "what took you so long, un? I was getting lonely."

"I'll have you know, I only took fifteen minutes. I just like the hot water, so I stayed for another 45." He let out a low whistle.

"You like water that much, un? And here I thought cats hate water."

"They do. I just like the warmth."

"If you like warmth so much, then maybe we should go to sleep. That'll warm you up." I shifted nervously. Was he suggesting my worst fear? My only fear? I shook my head.

"No, I think I'm good. I could just sleep outside…" And of course, the stupid storm proves me wrong with thunder and lightning. Damn. Deidara's expression softened.

"Oh, I didn't mean that, un…I just meant you could lay down, un. The bed's warm." It's at times like this that I wish Hay-Lin was here to read people's minds. I couldn't tell if he was being sincere or not. I decided to take the chance and trust him. After all, we're gonna be stuck here for a week. Might as well trust the guy. I nodded hesitantly, then got in my side of the bed. I stayed on the very edge. I was soon joined by Deidara. Being how it's still fall (not the 22nd yet!) and I can't fall asleep, I would keep an eye on Deidara. If he moves, I'll shock him with a weak wave of electricity.50, maybe 80 volts…Yeah, that's what I'll do…

Crap, I fell asleep. How? It's not winter yet? How is that possible? Well, I'll consult my sister about that later. At least I fell asleep next to something warm…Then, the memories of yesterday came flooding back. Shit. I cracked open an eye. A vast expanse of mattress lay in front of me. I was sideways, kay. I tilted my head slightly, careful not to disturb Deidara, who had his arm across my waist, his hair everywhere. Shit. Guess who moved? Yeah, me. That's never good. At least I was fully clothed. Deidara was presentable. He was bare-chested, but that's it. As much as I hate the current situation, at least I know I can trust him. For now. I've read plenty of fanfics, so I know that it we stay cooped up here for too long, he could crack. Not a good thought. I carefully began to try to escape my human prison, but I must have woken him up in the process, because the next thing I heard was,

"Going somewhere, un?" I froze as he tightened his grip. Not so much as to hurt me as it was to warn me. Had he been awake the whole time? "You know, un, you're very cute when you sleep. So serene and calm, un. How come you're not always like that?" question answered. Crap. How did I fall asleep?

"I'm calm in the dark. Deal with it, and let me go." I snapped, kind of sad to be leaving the warmth. However, if you consider what the warmth _is_, then not much was lost.

"Fine, un. But why do you have to be so cold all of a sudden?" asked Deidara. He sounded almost…hurt. I shrugged it off and moved back to my side. Just six more days.

-5 days later-

Well, those days passed quickly, with not a single, well okay, one mishap, at night. For you perverts out there, mishap just means awkward moment. Nothing else. The second night, he moved, the third, both. After that, I decided to put all my trust in him ans shove my fears aside, and we compromised. I was finally able to loosen up, relax, and enjoy myself. Especially with random moments of random hyperness thrown in there. And though I hate to admit it, I learned that hot tubs are good places. Unbroken water, warmth, and relaxation with no chance of drowning. At least I was finally going back home. Also, it turned out our little cover story of being a young couple turned real. Yesterday, 10PM, to be exact. It's amazing what a difference five days can make to change your feelings! Dei-kun is just so kind! I wonder how the others will react to this…

"We should get ready to leave, I don't want to pack in the early morning tomorrow." I said. Honestly, I _hate_ packing. Or any other boring task that requires physical labor of any sort. Okay, now back to focus. We packed up, then started down to go to the restaurant. On the way down, I looked out the window. It was completely covered in snow. Why does it have to be so sticky? I want to see outside! We got to the door at the bottom of the stairwell. We were going to the main restaurant, which is in the main building. Deidara pulled the door handle, but it wouldn't open. Then he tried to push it open. Nada.

"Shonan, un…I think we have a problem…" said Deidara. Just then, the PA came on.

_"We apologize for the inconvenience, but we are all snowed in. It is impossible to open any doors or windows because of a recent snowstorm that left us with snow from the ground to the roof. It is impossible to go anywhere, and it will take at least a week to clear all the snow. Once again, we apologize for the inconvenience, and we will pay for all the expenses. Thank you."_

"You're welcome!" I piped up.

"What, un?"

"When the magical voice in the sky says 'thank you', you have to answer 'you're welcome'! You must always be nice to the magical voice in the sky, or it will hunt you down and kill you in your sleep."I explained.

"It's called a PA, un…"

"No, it's the magical voice in the sky!" Deidara facepalmed, giving up the argument. I grinned.

"Another week, hm?" Tip 9- Always check the weather forecast before a mission. Otherwise, you could be stuck in a snowed-in resort with a pyromaniac for a week. Not that it's all bad…

**A/N: yay! i was finally motivated enough to fnish this! Lots of fluff! Sorry for the delay, I hope you liked it! As a treat, it's the longest chapter yet! The Christmas chapter will actuallybe delayed by quite a bit...it's planned to be chapter 13...untill next chapter, see ya!**


	11. Babysitting

**Ch. 10- Babysitting**

**Tip 10- Never combine three groups of evil morons. They can be a huge handful.**

**Krystalia**

"Krystalia!" yelled Leader.

"I'm right here, you don't have to yell." I said, opening the door to his new 'office'.

"I have a mission for you. Since you seem to know these new people, the Espadas, or whatever they're called, I'm leaving you in charge of them, too make sure they don't cause too much trouble, if any. Also, I want you to see if you can get their leader to form an alliance with us. Konan and I have work to catch up on. You're in charge. Good luck." I nodded, then left. Some work. I bet they're just going to lay around, catching up on sleep and other things while I have to be the babysitter. Great. First things first, I have to go find Aizen and form an alliance. I always _was _a good negotiator for Shonan and Hay-Lin… I headed off, but was soon intercepted by Hidan, Grimmjow, Suigetsu, Sakon, Kisame, Szayel, and Nnoitora. The troublemakers, and most of the perverts. Orochimaru and Kabuto weren't there, hence the 'most'. Some were worse than others, judging by Suigetsu and Grimmjow's I'm-bored-so-I'm-joining-these-idiots expressions.

"If you don't need anything, then move." I said irritably. I hate being a babysitter, because of Shonan and Hay-Lin's influences, I get very irritable, very quickly.

"Someone's PMSing…"Kisame whispered to Grimmjow, who snickered. It was just loud enough for me to hear.

"Shut it, fish fry. You shouldn't spread rumors like that, or I could tell them about your affairs with your goldfish. Oh, wait. I just did." I snapped coldly. I am not in the mood to deal with this today. The others snickered.

"Hey! That's personal! And when did you start using Shonan's nicknames?" cried Kisame, desperately trying to salvage his pride and reputation. Tough luck.

"When I'm irritated" I said, shoving my way past them.

"Bitch, wait!" said Hidan, grabbing my wrist. "Why don't you pray to the almighty Jashin before you leave? For luck?"

"Listen, pretty boy. If you try to shove your damned made-up religion down my throat, I'll shove my _fist_ down _your_ throat." I retorted, heading off to find Aizen. I can be such a bitch sometimes. I heard a stunned silence behind me, and began to calm down a bit. Heh, serves them right. I went upstairs to the fourth floor, to the biggest, fanciest door at the hall - Aizen's room. I knocked on the door tentatively.

"Come in" came Aizen's muffled voice. I opened the door to find a shirtless Aizen, his back to me.

"Um…maybe I'll come back later…" I said, backing away.

"Oh, no. It's fine. Stay."

"I don't think I should…I only came to ask for an alliance with the Akatsuki…"

"Hm, that's doable – at a price."

"You know what, I think I'll just tell Pein no…Or ask someone else…" I said, rushing out the door, panicking slightly and trying to hide my tomato-red face. God, who knew a person's face could burn so much? I teleported to Pein's office in a poof of black smoke. I have many methods of messing with space. It's fun to change the rooms here, and make one door lead somewhere else, for example, the kitchen door could lead to the pool, when it would normally lead to the living room. Fun. And now back on topic…"I can't do this, you'll have to send someone else for the alliance part. I'm sorry." I said, gasping for breath. Stupid black smoke.

"What happened?" asked Pein, completely unconcerned.

"Well, you see…what happened is…Konan, come here!" I cried, dragging Konan to her room. I can't say something like that in front of Pein! I explained what happened to Konan, and she nodded in understanding.

"I see, that could be a problem. I'll ask Pein to deal with the alliance, then. We need someone responsible, trustworthy, levelheaded, and apparently male to negotiate. Therefore, Pein is the only choice."

"What about Sasori or Itachi?"

"They look fairly feminine at times, and they have been known to be insane sometimes." She replied.

"True. Well, I hope it all works out. Both with the alliance and Pein."

"W-what do you mean by that?" she sputtered, her cheeks tinged with red. I chuckled and headed over to the hot springs. I'm so glad Shonan and Hay-Lin decided to include hot springs. They were on the eighth floor, the relaxation floor. Suddenly, Kidomaru's head popped up in front of me, upside down.

"Hello, Krystalia! Long time no see!" he called out, waving one of his six arms.

"Gah! Kidomaru, don't scare me like that! At least warn me!"

"heh, heh. Sorry 'bout that. I guess I lost the game…" he said, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. That's actually kind of creepy, but useful. "Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to go to the zoo with me. I was looking at a map of the area, and found a zoo in a small village, a few miles from here. So, what do you think?" Was this an invitation to a date? Well, I guess, since I'm bored stiff, even though I wanted to go to the hot springs, once wouldn't hurt, just to clear up my mind.

"Sure!" I said, not sure if I would regret my choice later.

"Really? That's great!" he said, jumping down to he floor and giving me a quick hug. "Apparently Shonan goes there often, so they're used to strange-looking people like me." He rambled on. I tuned him out and followed. He sure can talk when he wants to, oi. There were lots of cool animals, and many were felines, who were treated like beloved kings. No surprise if Shonan comes here. When we got to the spiders, Kidomaru began ranting with a renewed passion about how great they were and how amazing they are because they help the environment, and then began describing each and every specie in detail. I was only half-listening, being as I couldn't stop thinking of Aizen, no matter how much I tried. So eventually, I just gave up.

"I'm sorry, Kidomaru. I can't do this anymore." I said, stopping him mid-rant. He looked confused for a moment, then sad.

"Oh, okay. I'm sorry." I smiled softly, thanking him silently, then teleported back to the base. I passed by Kimimaro on the way to my room, and warned him about Kidomaru. I then remembered that I had been on my way to the hot springs before I was interrupted by Kidomaru. I managed, by some miracle, to get there uninterrupted. To my surprise, I discovered that Karin, Tayuya, and Harribel had discovered it. Then, I saw Mist. She probably led them there. She and Harribel were happily talking about something, most likely about the Espadas or Kisame. Tayuya was submerged up to her chin in the water, enjoying the peace. Harribel paused when she saw me entering the water, then spoke up.

"Krystalia, Lord Aizen wanted to see you in his room." I sighed.

"Can't a girl relax in a hot spring without interruptions?"

"Sorry, but that's what he told us to tell you. Something about an alliance." apologized Harribel. Such a nice girl. Well, at least it's about the alliance. I hope. He'd better have his shirt on this time. And everything else. Otherwise, I'm leaving. It's just too weird otherwise. It makes me nervous.

"I'll go later. I want to relax first."

"He said it's urgent and you have to report to him immediately."

"He's not my higher-up."

"You still have to go."

"_Fine_. If you insist so much, I'll go." I said, my good mood ruined. After getting dressed, I made my way to his room, but not before running into a miserable-looking Zetsu. "Zetsu, what happened?" he sniffed.

"We can't find our favorite plant.** Someone stole her"** his black half put in.

"A plant? Is it large, tall, and with orange petals, very tropical looking? If so, then it's in Konan's room. It looked kind of overwatered…" Zetsu began to look panicked, and ran off to rescue his plant friend/girlfriend. The next people I ran into were Barragan and Starrk.

" Krystalia, Lord Aizen wants to see you."

"I know." I snapped. The last was Ulquiorra.

"Girl…"

"I _know_." He looked almost scandalized, but managed to salvage his emotionless face at the last moment. Finally, I got to Aizen's room. I knocked on the door, a necessary precaution.

"Krystalia?"

"No, it's the big bad wolf. _Yes_, it's me. Are you decent?"

"Yes." he sighed, sounding somewhat disappointed. I slowly opened the door. To my relief, he was fully clothed. Good, this won't be awkward.

"Harribel said that you wanted to talk about the alliance."

"That was only a cover story. The alliance has already been resolved with Pein and Orochimaru. However, the Espadas don't know that. I can't possibly tell them my true intentions." Oh, shit. "You see, Krystalia…" he said, and before I knew what was happening, I was pinned to the wall, unable to escape. Somehow, Aizen had 'magically' lost his shirt in those few moments. Suddenly, Ichimaru opened the door, interrupting Aizen.

"Aizen, Pein-oh, I'm sorry…Am I interrupting something?" he asked, that eternal grin on his face. I took this opportunity to escape from Aizen's clutches. Silently thanking Ichimaru, whom I had become close friends with, I slipped out into the hall.

"I was so close this time, too! Damn it, Gin, why'd you have to interrupt me? What's so important?"

"Well, you see, Lord Aizen…" their voices faded into the distance as I got farther and farther away. As I wandered around, dazed, I found myself sitting next to Itachi on the couch in the library.

"Hey Itachi. How's it going?"

"hn."

"okay?"

"hn."

"not okay"

"hn."

"Do you know how to speak at all?"

"hn"

"Gah, this is hopeless. Learn how to speak, then come talk to me."

"hn" He hadn't even looked up from his book. How infuriating! No wonder Shonan hates him! At least the other two talk! I got up and went to see how the others were doing. I found Sasori, Sasuke, Tosen, Kabuto, and Aaroniero lounging around in the game room. Sasuke and Tosen were conversing about something, and Kabuto was hunched over a microscope. Sasori was fixing Hiruko, who looked destroyed beyond repair.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Shonan doesn't like Hiruko very much. Her cat form is very destructive, and a lot stronger than it looks. She called him ugly and proceeded to claw him. This was the result."

"Wow." That's all I could say. Who knew Shonan's cat form was so destructive? My stomach rumbled, so I went to the kitchen. Jirobo and Yammy were fighting over instant ramen. Kisame, Kakuzu, Orochimaru, and Sakon were eating dango and playing poker. I made my way to the fridge, found some soup, and heated it. Then, I sat down at the island and began eating. I was soon joined by Ichimaru.

"Hello, Krystalia. I'm sorry about earlier. If I interrupted anything-"

"No, no. You're fine. In fact, I'm quite glad you _did_ interrupt. If you hadn't saved me, who knows what could've happened!"

"Really? So you're not mad?"

"Not at all! Like I said, you saved me from Aizen!" by this point, I was acutely aware of everyone (except Kakuzu) listening intently. I paused, finished my soup, then told Ichimaru, "Maybe we should continue this conversation elsewhere…" he nodded, and we headed to my room. "So, Ichimaru, asi was saying-"

"Please, call me Gin. After all, it _is_ my name." he interrupted.

"Okay, Gin. As I was saying earlier, who knew that Aizen could ever be so lustful? However, I do have to admit, he _is_ rather handsome…If he weren't so demanding, he might even make a decent boyfriend!" Gin listened to my ranting, patiently waiting for me to finish.

"Well, if that's truly what you think, then I can convey the message for you…if that would make you happy…"

"Really! You could do that? Thank you, Gin! You're a really good friend!" I cried, hugging him. He looked stunned for a moment, then gingery hugged me back, almost as if he were afraid to break me. Then he left. My mood lifted, I went to check on the others. The first ones I came across were Tobi and Zommari. Tobi was poking Zommari with a wooden puppet arm.

"Mr. Pinhead sir, will you play with Tobi? Mr. Pinhead? Senpai?"

"Tobi, where did you get that nickname?"

"Shonan-chan uses it all the time-OW!" Zommari had released his zanpakto and was controlling the wooden arm, hitting Tobi with it.

"Pumpkin-sama! Please stop hitting Tobi!" I chuckled softly to myself, and went to find Sasori. I opened the door to his workshop and declared,

"Sasori, Tobi took one of your puppets' ar-oh." Sasori was glaring, his right arm missing.

"You said Tobi took it?"

"…yes…" he sighed.

"I don't know how he got it. I don't fall asleep and I'm quite aware of my surroundings…" he said, running his other hand through his hair.

"We should go fetch it…" I said. So we went to find Tobi. Approaching Tobi's location, I saw a fire. "Um, Sasori? Are your puppets flammable?"

"What! Tobi! Come here! And don't keep me waiting!"

"Yes, Sasori-senpai?"

"Give me my arm back." Tobi sweatdropped.

"Tobi's afraid that's not possible, senpai. You see…Tobi was being a good boy, trying to make Mr. Pinhead senpai play with Tobi and…"

"Tobi, you are a very bad boy." said Sasori. The effect was instantaneous. Tobi burst into tears and began apologizing like crazy. I decided to go back to the library for some peace and quiet. On my way there, I broke up a fight between Hidan and Grimmjow, and showed Kimimaro to the training arena. When I finally got to the library, I picked out a book on dragons. Beautiful creatures, they are. I finished that book in fifteen minutes, and picked out two more. The library spans three floors of the house. It has every book ever written, and an additional floor just for fanfics. As I was finishing my sixth book, Aizen walked in and sat down beside me.

"Gin conveyed your message. I'm sorry for acting so rashly. I don't know what came over me. I hope you can forgive me and we can start over." His tone was so sincere, I couldn't help it.

"Of course!"

"You see, I never used to believe in love at first sight – until I laid my eyes upon you, Krystalia. At first, I was confused by my feelings, and simply disregarded them as lust. But now I realize that they are more than that. Much more." He said, his hand gently caressing my face. I blushed. No one had ever told me that before…I decided that something like that could never be faked.

"A-Aizen, I don't know how to respond…"

"I heard a village called Suna is holding a cordial ball, would you like to go with me as my date?" Oh yeah, I'd forgotten about that! But then again, we're on the opposite side of the world as Suna, so it makes sense that I wouldn't know.

"Can Gin come? He's a good friend of mine, and with any luck, he could meet the girl of his dreams there!" Aizen scowled a little, probably just my imagination, and grudgingly replied,

"Sure, why not." I squealed happily and lightly pecked him on the check. "Oh, and Krystalia…"

"Yes?" and then he kissed me. I have to say, it was one of the most amazing sensations ever. My blush just intensified. When he finally broke away, he just smiled and said,

"Goodbye for now, Krysty. See you at the ball." Disregarding the horrid nickname, I nodded. After he left, I went to seek out Gin. I found him in his room, polishing his zanpakto.

"Gin, you'll never guess what just happened!"

"Hm? What happened? Are you okay?" he asked, setting down his sword.

"I'm better than okay! Aizen kissed me! And he invited me to Suna's cordial ball! Which reminds me, you're invited too! I hope you can come!" I was about to continue, when he cut me off.

"Krystalia, you shouldn't be so excited. Aizen may seem nice, but he's a player. I've seen many unfortunate girls fall for his 'charms', only to have their hearts broken. I don't want you to suffer through that."

"Gin! You shouldn't say things like that about Sosuke (Aizen's first name)! He's a really good person! You don't know him like I do! You don't know anything! I officially un-invite you, you traitor!" I cried angrily, running out of his room. The last thing I saw was his hurt, stricken face as he watched me leave. That jerk. I'm going to tell Sosuke what Gin said about him. As I was about to barge in the door, I heard voices.

"So, Aizen, I heard that you were going to a ball with the girl."

'Yeah. I finally found a replacement for Orihime. She's pretty, and very gullible. It was quite easy to trick her. My plan is this: I will first enchant her , then take her back in some isolate place, fuck her senseless, and dump her. Just like all the others."

"But won't that hurt the girl?"

"I could care less about the girl, Tosen. She's pretty, and that's all I care about. She means nothing to me."

'She means nothing to me' the words echoed in my head, taunting me, repeating time after time, after time. My eyes welled up with tears, and I turned tail and ran back to Gin's room, carefull not to run into anyone else. I threw open his door and ran crying into his arms.

"You were tight! You were right about Aizen! Everything! I'm so sorry, Gin!" I kept going on and on, yet Gin hugged me tenderly, letting me cry until there were o more tears left. It was the first time I had ever seen him without his mocking smile.

"I'm sorry you had to find out like that. Just remember that I'll always be here for you, no matter what."

"Thank you, Gin." I hugged him one last time and walked out the door, only to be greted by the grinning faces of Kisame, Nnoitora, Grimmjow, Hidan, Orochimaru, and Suigetsu.

"So, what exactly happened in there?" asked Suigetsu.

"None of your business." I answered sourly.

"Oh, really? Are you sure?" asked Nnoitora, towering above me.

"Unless you want me to get a fork, suggest you leave."

"Oh, a fork. I'm so scared!" taunted Kisame, not noticing Nnoitora's slightly nervous expression.

"Hell yeah, bitch!" exclaimed Hidan.

"We're not afraid of a fork" said Orochimaru.

"Nnoitora is." said a voice behind me. As they turned to taunt him, I turned around to see who had spoken.

"Hay-Lin! You're back!" I exclaimed.

"Yeah! Looks like you were dealing with a real handful here!" she said. I noticed that she was holding a little stuffed monkey.

"It was my mission. What's with the monkey?"

"Juugo won it for me!"

"How sweet!"

Oh, shut up." She said, blushing slightly. I laughed. Tip 10-Never combine 3 groups of evil morons. Even if it's your mission.


	12. Dijira

**Ch. 11- Dijira**

**Tip 11-Long range fighters suck at close combat**

**Hay-Lin**

Pein-sama is overworking me. I just got back from a mission, and now he sends me on another one! Hasn't he ever heard of breaks and rest? Well, my job is to capture Iwa's best shinobi with Kabuto and Szayel. It's only a C-rank, so it's easy some easy work before Christmas, which is a few days away. We already set up the tree and everything. It's actually been quite peaceful without Shonan and Deidara around. I just hope they get back in time. I need my blackmail minion back. Being how we're all medics in some way, shape, or form, we had a lot to talk about. However, I didn't brag _nearly_ as much as the other two. It took us sixteen hours to get to Iwa, being as 3 people is the limit of my teleportation, and I didn't want to tire myself out. However, trudging through 3 feet of snow wasn't helping much. Gah, _why_ did Pein have to send us on this mission? Iwagakure fits its name perfectly. The only two things I saw were rocks and snow. "Everyone, try and find the village." I said. They nodded, and we began searching.

"What's over there? Is that it?" asked Szayel, pointing at some cliffs. At a closer look, I saw buildings carved into the stone.

"yeah, that's it. Let's go!" but before we could get any further, we heard an explosion coming from behind some trees. We quietly made our way there to look. There was a girl, around fifteen years old, with silver and blue streaked hair. She wore a blue dress with a black obi sash and silver gears on the bottom. She also had a choker necklace with a small gear hanging on it and black, fingerless gloves that had glowing blue orbs on them. Her long hair was tied up in tow ponytails that reached down to her upper back. She was swearing rather loudly as she picked up metal parts next to a large, cracked rock that looked like it would break apart at any second. "Is that her?" I whispered to Kabuto. He looked through his data cards. After a moment, he nodded. As if on cue, Szayel stepped out I the clearing, his smug superiority complex basically radiating off of him.

"Who's there?" asked the girl.

"My name's Szayel Aporro Granz. I have come to capture you. Might you tell me your name before I knock you senseless? Where I come from, it's polite to tell your opponent your name before you fight. I expect you to do the same."

"Jeeze, ego much? Well, anyways. M'name's Dijira Gia, though I don't see why I should tell you this, seeing as _you_ will be dead in a few moments." In the blink of an eye, there were…robots?...zipping towards Szayel, being controlled by Dijira. Hmm, kind of like Sasori's puppets…So she's a long range fighter, huh? I teleported behind her and struck her with a kunai as she was turning around. It slashed her check with a metallic sound, and blue sparks flew everywhere. How strange! Normally there would be blood. Now it just looked hollow. Some armor. Before she could react, Kabuto had struck her with his now chakra-laced hand, and she collapsed to the floor, limp and unconscious. Kabuto was gingery massaging his hand.

"What is she made of, steel?"

"Don't be stupid. That's impossible, baka. Here, carry her." I said, throwing the body to the medic.

"why me?"

"Our sacrificial lamb already took a considerable amount of damage, and I need to teleport us." Kabuto glared at me, but obeyed nonetheless. Tip 11- Most long-range fighters suck at close combat. We got to the base in a matter of seconds, where Krystalia greeted us warmly.

"Leader wants to see you. How'd the mission go?"

"Our Espada friend rushed in and became a sacrificial lamb. Other than that, I'd say it went fine."

"Okay then, bye!" she said, running off, probably to her room. Well, I'm actually kind of worried about her. Earlier, when I had just returned from my mission with Juugo, her mind had been in severe turmoil. Now, she seemed at peace with herself, but I could tell that deep inside, she was hurting. That much stress isn't healthy. I'll have to talk to her later. But first, I have to report to Pein-sama.

"Szayel, go to your room, lab, or the sickbay to heal. The sickbay is on the fifth floor. Kabuto, you can come with me or go back to Oro-sama. Decide quickly, because I have to go report to Pein-sama." I said, heading off. "Mist! If Szayel goes to the sickbay, please tend to his wounds." I called out to Mist, who nodded. I stopped at Pein's door and came in, Kabuto at my heels. Konan was blushing, a guilty look on her face as she adjusted her top a bit, while Pein-sama was as expressionless as always. I can only guess what happened. Dismissing my thoughts, I reported to Pein-sama. After I finished, he spoke. "And where is the girl?"  
>"Right here, Pein-sama." said Kabuto, showing Pein the girl.<br>"Good. Hay-Lin, take her to the interrogation room. Kabuto, you may go. Where's Szayel  
>Aporro?"<p>

"He got injured, sir. However, I must express concern. The girl was surprisingly weaker than I expected. She is a long-range fighter, and I suspect she has a secret technique hidden from us. I would take caution when dealing with her." I supplied. The girl groaned, catching our attention, and I proceeded to the torture/interrogation room. While she was unconscious, I tied her to a chair. Pein-sama quickly joined me. The girl slowly woke up and blinked.

"Wha-where am I?" she shot up, or at least tried to. "Who are you people? What do you want?"

"Relax. We only want to know everything you know about Iwagakure." said Pein calmly. I grinned. He was so blunt.

"Oh, is that it? Okay then." Then, she told us everything there was about Iwa, even more than Deidara could. Then, she threw in a bunch of secrets about the other hidden villages. By the time she was finished, Pein-sama and I were gawking at her in shock. What kind of ninja gave up that much intell so willingly?

"Well, I guess we should kill her, but she's been so helpful…why don't we make her an unofficial member of the Akatsuki?" asked Pein-sama.

"Fine by me…welcome, Dijira Gia, to the Akatsuki!" I said, still a bit shocked. "Here, I'll show you to your room. It's on the third floor, along with mine and my sister's. Krystalia and Mist are also on that floor. We have plenty of extra rooms, so you can take your pick. Feel free to wander around and explore. We want you to feel at home, and there's a map in the entrance hall, on the first floor." I said, now over my initial shock. She nodded and headed off. She seemed somewhat shy and tense, but only time will tell her true personality. She still needs time to settle down. For now, I decided to visit Mist. She hasn't gotten much attention lately…I spread out my chakra and managed to locate her leading Kisame, Harribel, and Suigetsu to the lake on the 137th floor. I swear, this house has _everything_. I mean, an indoor lake? Really? This place is amazing! I decided to follow the fish people for the heck of it. Well, shark people. Mist's secunda etapa is very shark-like, as is her zanpakto spirit, Sereia. However, it is exceedingly rare to see even her regular release form, let alone either of those. Mist is, in a way, a pacifist. She refuses to fight unless she herself gets hurt. Even if any of us were to die, she would just watch grimly. But if she gets so much as a scratch, watch out. The only thing more dangerous than a fighting mist is if all of the tailed bests, hollows, _and_ all the other creatures of the underworld attack at once. Yeah, it's that bad. However, Mist also has a tendency to turn into her release form in water, so she can swim around easier. Even though that's not always the case._ Mist, am I allowed in your shark-person convention?_ She looked startled for a second, then replied, _of course you are, even though we're just swimming.__ You going to reveal your release form?__ Yup. Hopefully, Kisame will like it. __Aha! I knew it! You _do_ like him! __No, no! You've got it all wrong! That's not it at all! It's just that…that…__uh-huh. Sure. See ya there, fish girl!__ Hey! Don't call me that!_ I just grinned and teleported there. "Sure, just glad I could join you guys!" I said, happily taking her sword, but not before she grabbed it. God, I'm turning into Shonan.

"Don't. Just don't." she said dangerously. I nodded. Unlike my rash sister, I'm not immortal and have reason to fear for my life.

"Hey, Hay-Lin, why's it so warm here? Didn't Shonan say the lake froze over before she left?" asked Harribel.

"That's the other lake. Shonan likes lakes, warmth, and ice-skating, so we have two lakes. The one in the basement 5th floor freezes over in the winter, but this one's heated."

"You have a lot of lakes…" said Kisame.

"Not really. Only two. Mist,"

"Already ahead of you. Dive to the deepest depths, Sereia!" cried Mist, diving into the water and resurfacing a few moments later. Her hair was now restyled into a ponytail, and her mask fragment was different.

"Mist! What happened? You look different, and your Zanpakto command was different! How'd you change that?"

"Sereia and I decided to get together and change it. New command, and better appearance. What do you think I do in my free time, daydream? No, I train with Sereia."

"Who's Sereia?" asked Suigetsu.

"My zanpakto spirit, the one who makes this," she jumped out of the water, showing off her blue fish tail, "possible." She dove back in. Harribel nodded in understanding.

"Y-you're a mermaid!" cried Kisame in shock.

"Yup! Why don't you guys join me?"

"Fine by me!" said Kisame, diving into the water and merging with Samehada. So creepy. Suigetsu also got into the water for a swim. I went to the water's edge, and Harribel joined me. I gazed into the water, getting lost in thought. Just another week until Christmas…but it would pass quickly. At New Years, Shonan would probally complain that the new year hates her. I miss her. It's so much quieter without her, it's strange. Tobi's still hyper, and even though he was recently joined by Yammy, it's still really quiet. Suddenly, I got splashed in the face with water.

"wha-hey! What was that for?" I sputtered.

"Come join us!" cried Mist happily.

"Never! Besides, I don't even have a bathing suit with me!" I cried, red in the face.

"So? I certainly wouldn't care, and I'm sure Kisame-senpai wouldn't either!" said Suigetsu, beginning to get out of the water.

"pervert." I muttered, throwing Suigetsu his clothes.

"thanks" he said as I walked over to the now ice-covered ramp. It was one of Shonan's favorite pastimes. It connects the roof to the B50th floor. It spans all 250 floors, and is failt fun to slide down. It has walls of the turns so you don't fall off, and spirals downwards. I was about to step on to get to the 1st floor, when Cow ran into me, followed by Felix and Snowshoe. Cow and Snowshoe are two of Shonan's favorite cats. Snowshoe was a shorthaired cat, a snowshoe as the name implies. She is one of the few cats that can walk on top of snow, along with Felix. I half expected Meip, a Turkish van, to follow them. I picked Cow up and asked her through telepathy, _What're you guys doing?__ Going on the ice slide.__ When'd Snowshoe get here?__ An hour ago. Do you think we could send her to fetch Lady Shonan?__ She'd have to cross an ocean…__ I can do that, if it's frozen over. Otherwise, Capitan can help._ Snowshoe interrupted. Capitan was a grey tabby who constantly traveled on ships that navigate through this region. He could easily slip another cat or two on and ferry them across. Snowshoe's pretty smart, probably smarter than some of our 'guests'. I put Cow down and picked Snowshoe up.

"I give you permission to go fetch Shonan and Deidara. Just try not to interrupt anything, okay?" she meowed. I sighed. The only way I can understand these cats is telepathically. Only Hirashi and some of the other summons actually talk. Shonan understands all of the cats, one of the perks of being half-cat. "Wait two days, when some of the snow's melted to leave. Your safety comes first, and we don't need you falling into some pit because of the snow, okay? Shonan would kill me if that happened. She meowed, then jumped back on the 'ice slide'. Well, now I know I have a few Shonan-free days. I get to relax! Then, I heard a loud crash coming from the kitchen. Wait, no, scratch that. _Severa_l loud crashes. Well, there goes my relaxation. I looked behind me, about to warn Mist that I was leaving, when I saw Mist and Kisame, their faces mere centimeters apart, both gasping for breath and red in the face. I wonder how that happened? I smiled to myself and turned around, heading for the kitchen. When I got there, a strange sight met my eyes. Sakon was on the floor, the table broken overtop his head, Kakuzu was fuming, yelling his head off at Sakon, and Dijira stood next to the open fridge in shock.

"What do you think you're doing? That's my money, and you stole it!" yelled Kakuzu, black threads streaming around his wrists.

"What's your problem, teme? All I did was grab the cabbage!"

"That cabbage is full of money!"

"Why? That's retarded!"

"Because no one ever eats it!"

"That's stupid! We eat it!" just about then, Kakuzu nearly had a heart attack.

"My money! Give it back, you theif!" he yelled, lunging for Sakon. Dijira was in a state of shock, and headed for her room. Poor girl, she should get used to this.

"Here. Don't worry, you get used to it." I said, handing her an orange. She nodded her thanks, and left.

"What are you doing, you psyco! Get off!" yelled Sakon, turning my attention back to them.

"getting my money back!" yelled Kakuzu, his black threads rushing towards Sakon to retrieve what may – or may not have been – money.

"I guess eating cabbage is now out of question, huh?" I almost jumped ten feet in the air.

"Orochimaru! When'd you get here?"

"A few moments ago. Kabuto and I need your help."

"Why?"

"Kimimaro's sickness is worsening. If it keeps up like this, he'll die."

"Okay, I'll be right there. Just give me a minute."

"Okay, but hurry. Even if he's not my newest vessel, he's still one of my best fighters." I frowned. Pedo-snake has to stop using vessels. It'll get him killed someday.

"I can heal you to give you another fifty years of healthy life, but you have to stop using vessels, okay?" he thought this over.

"Deal." I smirked, then went to the library. I needed to see some of Shonan's fanfictions. Before I could reach what I needed, I saw Sasuke , rapidly getting irritated, sitting on the couch trying to read, while Karin sat next to him, trying to flirt with him. The poor soul. No one deserves that.

"Karin, that's just a clone. The _real_ Sasuke is waiting for you in your room." The effect was immediate. Karin dashed away to get to her room in the fastest way possible. Sasuke shot me a look of thanks. "That should buy you some time. Go to the fiction section and take out a book named Eragon. Read the first word on the inside front cover, and a passage will open up, leading to a room where you can read in peace. If you need another book, just say it's title. Good luck."

"Thank you." I stared at him in shock. Not only did he speak, but he said thank you! Good thing this place has hidden cameras, or I would've missed that incredible piece of blackmail!

"I would also set up a clone there, but be prepared for the worst. You can't fully control clones, you know. It's impossible." He nodded, and set up the jutsu. Then, he left. I made my way to the KimiSaku section of the 216th floor, the top floor of the library. After picking up some fanfictions with detailed accounts of healing Kimimaro's illness, like _Marrow_, I went to get some books on forbidden jutsus. I don't want to screw this up, both Shonan and Orochimaru would kill me if I did. A few minutes later, I reached Orochimaru/Kabuto's lab. It was creepy, cold, and snakelike, just like Orochimaru's base in Sound. I shuddered. "I'm here" I announced.

"Good, come with me. Orochimaru-sama and Kimimaro-kun are waiting." Said Kabuto, leading me to them. It took Kabuto and I until dawn the next day to finish our task. As soon as I got to my room, I threw myself upon my bed. The moment my head hit the pillow, I was asleep.

**A/N: Heyeveryone! Sorry for the long wit, I kinda got banned from the computer for a week after it got that nasty virus. Please don't kill me! I got work done on the hard copy, though! Al I have left to write is the Epilogue! There are 15 chapters, not counting the pro/epilogue. I made tons of progress! The last two chapters are very short, but very important, so i hope you enjoy this chapter untill I get the next chapter up! It's only a matter of time, and motivation to type. There is no idea shortage, no writer's block, so i have no excuse. Review! or Kakuzu will come after you!**


	13. The Great Journey

**Ch. 12- The Great Journey**

**Tip 12-All artists are different.**

**Shonan**

Well, it's stopped snowing, but it'll still take about three more days to clear all of it away. To celebrate the stopping of the snow, Deidara ordered room service - everything on the dessert menu. I ate about two boxes of cordial cherries, not to mention a bit of everything else. Deidara, of course, joined me in the gorging of the sweets, and by the time I was finished eating, my mind felt a bit fuzzy. Too fuzzy. I disregarded the feeling as too much sugar, and decided to go back to the bedroom. "Shonan, you don't look too good, un. You should get to sleep." Said Deidara, guiding me to the bed. I was, as I normally am, in cat form.

"Aww, now let's not get too hasty, you don't want to ruin the fun…" I purred seductively, letting my tail trail down Deidara's face. He gulped nervously.

"A-are you trying to provoke me, un?" he asked, though I could see his eye(s) tracing my every move.

"Now whatever do you mean?" I purred innocently.

"You know perfectly well what I mean, un" he growled in a husky voice, reaching out to try and grab my wrist. I evaded, then turned into my cat form, jumping on his head.

"Yay! Fun game! Betcha can't catch me, Dei-kun!" I cried out happily.

"Wha-Hey! Get back here, un! Shonan!" He finally managed to get ahold of me after I got bored of running around. I had settled contently on his chest, purring my heart out. "Aw, Shonan, un, why'd you do that? I was so close, too…" he asked, petting me.

"Che. You boys and your primal needs. It's a lot more fun to tempt you, provoke you, and yet always be just out of reach. I said, hopping off and going back to my human form, sitting next to Deidara. Before I knew what was going on, he had me pinned to the bed.

"Just out of reach, hm? Isn't that what you said?" I could only stare up at him, my eyes filled with fear. Oh, no. Please, no. I shut my eyes, waiting for the worst. "Just kidding, un! As tempting as it was…I couldn't take advantage of you like that, un." I breathed a sigh of relief as he rolled off me. Safe.

"Please don't do that. I hate being scared. It makes me feel weak and useless."

"You have a fear, un?" asked Deidara, his gaze gradually softening.

"Yeah, the s word." I could see the gears turning in his mind (not literally, of course. My eyes aren't _that_ good), and eventually he ventured to ask.

"Short?" my eye twitched.

"No,. that's a sorry truth I'm forced to deal with. Not a fear. It's a fear for _other_ people to call me that, though." He thought some more.

"se-"I quickly shut him up.

"Yeah, that's the one. That word is taboo, worse than the other s word," I shuddered, "_short_" I spat out the word, my words dripping in venom. Deidara nodded, signaling his understanding.

"I'll try to respect that, un." He said seriously.

"Try?" I asked, my look hardening.

"I'm a guy, un. You can't expect me to resist nature all the time, un."

"True…" I said, now a bit uneasy.

"But I'll do my best, un." He said, pulling me into a warm hug.

"My head hurts like hell." I complained, softly groaning.

"Lightweight." He chuckled.

"What do you mean? I didn't drink anything!"

"Yeah, but you ate two boxes of cordial cherries, which have liquor in them, un."

"Ugh. That's what it is. Hay-Lin's been trying to trick me with those for three years now, but I only fall for it _now?_" I murmured, dismayed.

"Yeah, sorry. I would've stopped you, but I didn't know, un."

"Just make it stop. I feel like shit. What happened, anyways? My memory's all foggy."

"…I'll tell you later, un. Get some sleep, okay?"

"Fine. 'Night."

Dei-kun is so cute when he sleeps. He's normally awake before me, so this was a rare sight for me. I traced the seal on his chest absentmindedly for a while. Then, I heard him mutter something in his sleep. I froze, and quietly went to greenhouse, where I tried to puzzle out what I had just heard. Was he really asleep? Ugh, this is muddling my mind. Those words…'I love you' kept ringing through my head, confusing me. I shook my head. It's probably not true, anyways. People don't have control of their words when they're asleep, and besides, he was probably talking about some dream girl anyways. A cat-girl like me isn't good enough for a talented pyromaniac like Deidara…But no matter how much I denied it, I knew those words were meant for me, and even worse, that I felt the same way. Even if he wasn't conscious when he said them, they still mean a lot…My mind somewhat clearer, I returned to the room, where Deidara was just waking up.

"Where were you, un? The bed's cold."

"The greenhouse. I had a headache, and needed fresh air. Did you know you talk in your sleep?"

"Really? I had no idea, un." he said, chuckling.

"Uh-huh. Oh! I almost forgot! The snow's melting! It's already possible to open the windows!"

"No wonder it was so light in here…" he mused. "But how's that going to help us get out of here, un?"

"My cat form can fit through the window. Heck, my human form can fit through it! I think you could too…"

"What about the snow? We would sink right through it, un!"

"Not if we had snowshoes!" I said cheerily.

"But we don't, un." He deadpanned.

"Who said?" I said, raising an eyebrow and pulling a pair of snowshoes from thin air. They are tools. It is possible.

"That is so cool, un. It's almost as useful as my art!"

"Almost? I'd say it's _more_ useful!"

"What?" I was about to retaliate, when I – we – got interrupted by meowing in the windowsill.

"Snowshoe! Felix! What are you doing here?" I asked my cats, going over to pet them.

"We've come to fetch you! Capitan's waiting with the ship to take you back home." Meowed Felix.

"Hay-Lin gave us permission to fetch you." added Snowshoe. Deidara stared at them.

"Cats?" he asked incredulously. I'd forgotten he can't understand them. All he hears are meows.

"Yeah, I guess I forgot to introduce you. This is Snowshoe, and you've met Felix before." They meowed a greeting.

"How'd they get here, un?"

"Those two are special. They're two of the few cats who can walk on top of snow. Their paws are like little snowshoes. Felix because he's a pygmy bobcat, and Snowshoe because she's special. They've come to rescue us. Another cat, called Capitan, is waiting for us with a ship to take us back home." Felix nodded, and Snowshoe, ever the egotistical one, beamed.

"Why, thank you, Lady Shonan! Your praise means much to me!" meowed Snowshoe. I sighed at the title. How many times do I have to tell them to drop the honorifics and titles like 'lady', 'mistress', or even 'master'? It never ends. It makes me feel old!

"Well, if they're here to rescue us, then we should head back, un." The three of us nodded. "It's almost as if they can understand me, un. It's kind of creepy…"

"They can. We felines are smarter than humans take us to be." I said, putting oon my snowshoes and climbing out the window. "Holy shit! It's freezing!" I jumped backwards, accidentally bumping into Deidara. He laughed a bit.

"Here, un." He gave me his cloak.

"But then won't you be cold?" I asked, concerned. He laughed.

"Then we'll share it, un!" content with compromise, I happily obliged.

"So, what happened in there? Did you two mate? If you did, I will hurt you. Lady Shonan is mine." Growled Felix, addressing Deidara. Snowshoe just about fainted, and I facepalmed.

"Felix, you baka. First of all, he can't understand you. Second, that's personal, and third, that's just plain weird. Cut it out." I deadpanned. He deflated slightly.

"Sorry"

"What did he say, un?" asked Deidara.

"You don't want to know." The rest of the trip, including the boat, was pretty quiet, save for a few scattered conversations. After six hours, we were back at the base. I handed the golden bow to Deidara. "Here, give this to Pein. I'm going to go see Hay-Lin." I said at the door. I recoiled as soon as I stepped inside. "What the hell happened here? This place reeks of Misery! Did Krystalia go all crazy psycho Nazi bitch from hell in heels mode again?"

"From what I saw, yes." Said Hay-Lin, greeting me at the door. "Here, I'll take the bow to Pein. I'm assuming the mission went well? You're both relaxed, yes?" she said, relieving Deidara of the bow.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say that Tom Nook had invaded your body, eh sis? Either that, or you got tentacle-raped by Kakuzu and inherited some of his miser-ness. After all, who _else_ would fall for a money-whore like Kakuzu? Only a braniac stick-in-the-mud like yourself!" I exclaimed, laughing my head off.

"If you wish to stay intact, then I would suggest you stop speaking." Rumbled Kakuzu. Hay-Lin smirked and left.

"I'll leave you to deal with this pest, Kuzu." she said as she left.

"Krakatoa! Lo and behold! Mt. Vesuvious is erupting! Run away! Bakuzu, you idiot. Can't you take a joke?" I exclaimed, stealing Frankenstein's mask. "I have discovered the theif's identity! It's Stich, who's come back from the grave! And it's brought it's octopus army with it! Kana-kun! Hide me!" I cried, hiding behind Tosen to save myself from Kakuzu's fury. Tosen had been quietly sitting at the table. So _now_ the sugar decided to kick in….

"That is not my name"

"Fine, Name-kun." I huffed.

"Do not call me that."

"Toe! Stop being such a meener! You're just like an Uchiha!"

"I will hurt you."

"Fine, I'll go bother someone else, sen-pai." I prowled away, laughing at my own joke. Then, I spotted Grimmjow. I quickly turned into my cat form and broke into a dead run. "Neko-chan! I'm back!" I yelled, tackling Grimmjow and knocking his breath out. He laughed as he stroked my fur.

"So you are, bitch. Besides, how many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?"

"Neko-senpai?"

"nope."

"Grimmkitty."

"Still not there."

"Grimmjow."

"There you go. Run along now, bitch."

"Kay!" I sniffed the air. "I smell dinner." I said seriously, running (in half-form) to the kitchen, where Hay-Lin was preparing dinner. "Whacha makin?"

"Chicken." I looked at it. It was raw and cold.

"Eew, I hate that chicken! It's all slimy and gross!"

"Don't insult the food I make or you won't get any." said Hay-Lin irritably.

"I would never _dream_ of insulting your cooking, horse-girl!" I love loopholes, don't you?

"Horse-girl?" she asked quizzically, her eyebrow twitching.

"Yeah, because your name has hay in it, and horses eat hay, not to mention your appear-" SLAP! The sound resonated through the house, and I fell to my knees, gingerly massaging my stinging cheek. Soon, the pain stopped. Thank god for Demon Kitty's no-pain-if-it-leaves-a-mark policy. Hay-Lin turned to address Deidara, who was watching the whole scene go by in shock.

"Sometimes I wish you were more like Hidan, who wouldn't give a shit about my damn sister's fears. That way, she wouldn't be such a coward, and she wouldn't have this much pwnt up energy!" Deidara looked scandalized.

"Teme…" I growled, rising to my feet.

"It's true. It would've done us all a favor! Instead, Deidara had to chicken out and be caring, causing the mission to fail!"

"What the hell are you talking about? The mission was to retrieve the golden bow, and we did just that!" I yelled, our voices steadily increasing in volume.

"Can't you read in between the lines? Didn't the mission seem at least _slightly_ suspicious to you? Are you truly that dense? It was set up! The girls and I set this up to get you two together and accomplish something! You are truly the biggest baka I've ever seen!" Hay-Lin yelled, storming out of the room. Set up? But…how could they? So this was all their fault?

"Dei…" I spun around to face Deidara and ask him if he knew about this, but he looked just as shocked as me.

"I-I had no idea, un…" he muttered. I couldn't resist. With a face like that, I don't see who could. I went over and hugged him.

"Don't worry. I don't blame you. It's not your fault. We can stay together, but I'm never talking to that bitch again." I consoled him. Then, he kissed me in thanks, pouring all his emotions into it. All the hurt, confusion, and love that he felt came through. I gladly returned it, pouring my feelings into it as well.

"Jeese, get a room, will ya?" asked Nnoitora, who had walked in to get some food.

"You only say that because you're jealous, teme." I said, breaking away from the kiss. I decided to go talk to Pein. Then, I remembered my chores. As I was heading to Krystalia's room to collect the list, I heard some commotion in the kitchen. I circled back, annoyed by all the walking.

"You!" I saw a silver-haired girl cry out at Deidara.

"You?" cried Deidara incredulously.

"I haven't seen you in years!" they cried in unison, hugging happily.

"I'm so glad you're safe, Dei-kun!" cried the girl. Who was she? Then I saw her Iwagakure headband. No, impossible. Was she some old girlfriend? I _knew_ there was someone else! I whirled around and ran to Krystalia's room. Hopefully some boring chores would keep my mind off this. I opened the door to her room, and saw a small black spider crawling up her calf. She looked down, saw it, shrieked, and jumped into Gin's (who was beside her) arms. Ever-present grin on his face, he brushed it off her leg. She thanked him, then panickedly began apologizing.

"Ah, it's nothing!" he said, laughing a bit. "Not a big fan of spiders, I take it?"

"They have too many legs." Krystalia answered. I contented myself by watching in the shadows.

"What octopi, they have many legs, ne?" I couldn't tell if he was mocking her or being serious.

"They're all right. Besides, they're not really legs. They're tentacles." If at all possible, Gin grinned even wider. Rape face! Yes, fear my blatant disrespect.

"How about foxes?"

"Err, yeah, they're cute, I guess." Krystalia finally replied. Have I been found? Nah.

"That means I'm cute, doesn't it?"

"Err…" I decided to rescue her.

"'Ey, Timekeeper! I've come to fetch my chores and cardboard tube!" relief spread across her face.

"No chores except for Pein's mission, and here." She said, tossing me my favorite weapon.

"Another mission?" I asked, dismayed.

"Sorry." She apologized. The first thing I did when I got to Pein's office was to hit him on the head with my cardboard tube. He glared, and told me to wait. Soon, Sasori and Ulquiorra joined me in his office. I looked at the emo bat-child quizzically. He smelled faintly of…pocky? Our job was to obtain intell on Amegakure and how it was faring without Pein. C-rank, quite easy. However, we had to cross the land of Wind to get there. That meant a desert. The trip would normally take three days one way, but with Ulquiorra's sonido, and Sasori and I's badass ninja skills, we were able to narrow the trip down to four hours one way. As soon as we settled down to take a break, I strided over to Ulquiorra.

"Hand it over, bat."

"Hand what over?"

"The pocky."

"Never." And that is how I got to wrestle with Ulqui. In fact, it got so bad that Sasori had to pry us apart. He was inside nasty ole Hiruko again, so I deiced to hitch a hike. I turned into my cat form and jumped on his back. Then, I started singing.

"Jack and Jill climbed up a hill to find a water spout, but when wind came, they fell again (pronounced a-gain), and knocked a poor boy out!" I sang, carving the rhyme and pictures to go with it into Hiruko's back with my claws.

"Where did _that _come from?" asked Sasori, irritated.

"Ulqui-chan's a bat, and so I thought, 'hm, bat sounds like jack!' Then, I remembered the rhyme, and then I got this! Ulqui-chan's Jack, and you're Jill! It makes perfects sense!" I explained. Sasori sighed. Ulquiorra ignored me. I laughed, and continued on like that for two hours, at which we found a canyon. "So…how do we cross it?" I asked.

_"HELP!"_ we heard a cry. I ran to the edge of the canyon. A brown-haired Amegakure ANBU with a gold streak in her hair hung from a rapidly cracking branch. Before I could react, it snapped with an ear-splitting crack, and Sasori's puppets swooped down and rescued her. I looked from the canyon, to the girl, to Sasori in shock.

"Why?" I asked.

"She was about to fall." He deadpanned. I grinned.

"Pinocchio has feelings!" I exclaimed, running around.

"T-thank you!" said the girl, removing her mask. I stared at her in surprise. She was only a year or two younger than me, yet already an ANBU? Impressive for this age. These people have been getting really lazy lately. Of course, I myself am already way past even the Kage level, so who am I to speak? _**Okay, enough mindless bragging.**_ Demon Kitty scolded me. I scowled, but returned my attention to what was going on.

"I had no choice. You're from Amegakure, correct? Could you tell us what's going on?" Sasori asked.

"But you're Akatsuki, an emo, and a cat!" Ha! I _knew_ Ulqui-bat was emo!

"Does that matter?"

"I-I suppose not…After all, the new leader is a horrid tyrant! He ordered all the shinobi still loyal to Pein to be executed! Some of us tried to escape, but you can see the good _that_ did us." She said, pointing to the chasm. I looked down into it, and sure enough, there were several ANBU impaled on spikes at the bottom. "I'm the only one that survived, somehow…Though sometimes, I think it would've been better if I had died. After all, I'm now the Akatsuki's captive…" she said sadly. I reverted to my half-form, then began munching on my hard-earned pocky. Suddenly, I paused mid-bite.

"Sasori, get out of the damn puppet, or I'll force you out, like last time." luckily, he obeyed me. Cower before my might, bitches! Honestly, that nasty old Hiruko is _such_ an eyesore! I saw the girl's face get powdered get powdered with pink.  
>"Y-you're really cute, Sasori-san." she said. He had his Akatsuki cloak on, so it was impossible to tell that he was a puppet. I decided to take away her fun.<br>"Yeah, but he's 35 years old. 'E's a geezer!" I grinned, giggling to myself. I saw her face fall slightly.  
>"T-that's okay…"<br>"Tell me girl. What's your name?" asked Ulquiorra, monotone as always. She 'eep'ed.  
>"H-Hashibami Aneki, sir." So now we have a name!<br>"Hashi! Dun let Scorpio and emo-child scare you! They're both meeners!" I said, pouting for emphasis. She looked at them in confusion. They shrugged. I forgot that not everyone can understand my dialect. Only a few people can understand it. That's why my sister is normally with me – to translate. Well, to keep Ninetails and Demon Kitty from possessing me – like Naruto – too, but that's trivial. Che, I'll forgive her later. I _did _provoke her, but still, to imply something like that! Still, you must admit, the chicken was slimy. It'll be better when it's cooked. It always is. I wonder why she exploded like that? Oh, well, no matter. "Astro! Carry meh!" I cried, jumping on Sasori's head in cat form.  
>"Astro? That's new…"<p>

"Why but of course, my dear puppet! After all, your name means scorpion, which reminds me of the Scorpio from the Zodiac! It makes perfect sense!" I cried, regally bowing with a British accent. Then, I burst out laughing.

"Is she always like this?" Aneki asked.  
>"Unfortunately." replied Sasori. "Come on. I don't want to keep leader waiting.<br>"Leader?" asked Aneki.  
>"Pein." Responded Sasori. Aneki gasped a bit.<br>"He's not my leader." stated Ulquiorra.  
>"Oh, shut it, Pocky-boy." I said. Ulqui picked me up off Sasori's head and held me in front of his face.<br>"Never. Call. Me. That. Again." He glared. I blinked, then lunged for his eye and scratched his face. Deep. He dropped me as he clutched his now bloody eye and glared at me with his remaining eye.  
>"Nya!" I meowed sweetly. Aneki, the angel, picked me up and giggled.<br>"you're so cute, you know that?" I nodded eagerly.  
>"Egotistical brat." Muttered Sasori. I returned to my post on his head.<p>

"Danna, dun be mean." I said, smacking/pawing him upside the head. Suddenly, I felt myself being lifted up in the air by Sasori's cable thing.

"Go ahead and call me that again, brat." he threatened maliciously.  
>"You know, I think I liked Hiruko's tail better." I pouted. He set me down and got back inside his Hiruko armor. I quickly began sinking. "Nya! Get me out of here! I'm sinking!" I cried, flailing. Curse my small size.<br>"Can't you go back to your human self, trash?" asked Ulqui, picking me up by the scruff of my neck. His eye was now healed. At least he learned not to hold me near his face. I thought this over.

"Ish be more fun dis way" I stated. I saw blank looks and sighed. "It's more fun this way." I translated. And so it went for two hours. After that trip, we got to the base. I kicked the door open with my usual greeting, and marched in. "Eyo, friendlies and food! I'm back, and i brought a new friendly! Come and say hello or I'll castrate you all!" needless to say, all the guys were her within seconds. The girls came because they were polite or had nothing better to do.

"Are you sure that's appropriate?" Aneki asked.

"Probably not, but it works." I said, chewing gum that I got from the cupboard.

"hey bitch, who's your new friend?" asked Hidan.

"An ANBU freak who needs a new outfit." I replied sarcastically.

"really?"  
>"Well, sort of. Her name's Aneki."<br>"Some name…" I heard Dijira whisper to Deidara.  
>"Oh, shut up, Kira. Leave her alone. You can bond later, after you're done sucking face with Deidara."<br>"Kira? My name's Dijira, and why in hell would I kiss my cousin?" she asked incredulously.  
>"Kira fits you better. Cousin, eh? Che, what a shame. I didn't know anyone other than Tachi believed in incest." I retorted.<br>"Excuse me?" both Kira and Tachi asked at once.  
>"Tachi's always talking 'bout Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke. It's so annoying. Kira, I caught you hugging Deidara passionately, and TEH WEASEL SPOKE!" I yelled, hiding behind Hay-Lin.<p>

"Get off, bitch. I'm not your meat shield."

"Won't you make dinner?" I asked.

"No. Find someone else to cook for you today."

"Aww, that's gonna be hard! Krystalia's going to be doing naughty things with Gin, and Mist's gonna be snogging fish boy." I whined. All four of their faces became bright red, and Hay-Lin snickered a bit before catching herself and returning to her now stoic disposition.

"I'll cook…" volunteered Aneki.

"You're a frickin angel! Welcome, new house maid!" I cried out happily. She sighed.

"I'm not your housemaid, but whoever can do anything cute or sexy will get seconds on dessert." I snickered. She shouldn't have said hat.

"Like I said, a frickin _angel_!" I said. I saw Nnoitora, Hidan, and Orochimaru get strange glints in their eyes. Poor Hashi better run.

"Shonan, un," began Deidara.

"What?" I snapped.

"I owe you an explanation, un. Dij is my cousin, yeah, but I haven't seen her in seven years. We used to be really close before I left the village and got recruited by the Akatsuki, un. She was the closest thing I had to family, un. We disagreed too. She was always good with metal, and would make little metal servants, like sasori's puppets or my clay birds, un. There's nothing going on between us, un. We were hugging because we haven't seen each other in years, un." I blinked.

"Well, I guess that makes sense…Che, I forgive you, Dei-kun!" I said, hugging him. Yeah, I'm bipolar.

"Not cute enough." said Aneki.

"eh?"

"Not cute enough for seconds." She explained. Oh, yeah! I forgot about that! Dijira/Kira went over to Sasori and wrapped her arms across his chest, then nuzzled his neck. He immediately sported a WTF look. Aneki smiled. "Seconds for Silver!"

"Yes! Food! Dessert! Oh, the name's Dijira, by the way!" screamed Kira, running around the room, celebrating, Sasori forgotten.

"Way to ruin the moment" I grumbled.

"Sorry…" she said, sheepishly rubbing the back of her neck.

"S'okay, right Hashi?" I asked, leaping up onto the counter in cat form and giving her the cutest look I could muster.

"Aww, you're so cute! Sure, you'll get seconds too, Shonan!" I grinned, then jumped down to the floor, then Deidara's shoulders, where I settled in much the same style as a boa. "Oh, Shonan, did you get fur on the counter?"

"Dunno." I replied. I then proceeded to purr and Deidara moved me to his lap and began petting me. Then, Hidan made his move.

"Hey there, new girl." He began, placing his hand on her shoulder. I turned back to my human form and went to stand next to Hay-Lin. Fire is rather hard to control when you're a cat. I watched as Aneki ignored Hidan's perverted and one-sided conversation. _Hay-Lin…__Yeah, I know. I'm sorry too. I was a bit stressed, that's all. Here, have a fish.__ Thanks!_ I happily ate the fish, which was a salmon.

"You realize you're not getting dessert for this, right?" Aneki asked Hidan.

"Yeah, I know. This is all the dessert I need, bitch." He said, moving to grope her ass. I prepared a ball of flame, but Aneki beat me to it. Before I could blink, she had punched him in the gut with the end of her katana and sent him crashing into the wall. Orochimaru let out a low whistle.

"Nicely done!"

"I like what I see" said Nnoitora, licking his lips. I put my fireball to good use by setting his enormous bonnet on fire. It took him about five seconds to notice the fire, though not completely. "Is something burning?"

"Yeah, your bonnet!" I laughed, snapping a photo.

"What? You little…" but I cut him off by whispering a threat into his ear. He gulped nervously and nodded. I had a new slave, sweet! I jumped down from the stool I was using and took my place beside Suigetsu. Yes, I do need a stool to cover the two foot height difference between us, not counting the spoon/bonnet.

"Maybe you should try for dessert, water boy."

"Why me?"

"Dun question me. I know your future. I am your stalker. Che, just kidding! Mostly…" Just then, Juugo walked in and stood beside hay-Lin. I decided to have some fun and test something. I motioned for Cow, who was laying on the rafter, to come to me. "Cow, see what happens when you say meow to beast boy. It's been said that he can understand animals. I want to test that." I whispered. She nodded, then went over to Juugo.

"Meow" she meowed. Juugo looked down and chuckled.

"You know, I can't understand you if you just say meow, kitty." Cow stiffened.

"It's true Lady Shonan! What do we do?" she hissed quietly.

"Choose our words very carefully." I responded in cat language. Just then, I heard a large commotion.

"Art is a bang, un!"

"No, brat. Art is eternal!" Sasori scolded Deidara. Tayuya strided in.

"Music is the ultimate art!" she cried.

"You're all wrong. Art is an explosion, but then 100 years later, everyone's like 'oh, shit! It's back!' And where the hell did you get this music crap?" said Deidara, bowing, and leaving. Tip 12- All artists are different.

**A/N: my longest chapter so far! Also, there is an extemely important poll on my profile, please vote on it! Also, I need fanart! If you draw something for the story, feel free to show me! I'd love to see what you guys draw! Also, if you want to write a oneshot for this story, go right ahead, just make sure you send me the link! I want to read it! Sorry this took so long...The full story is 15 chapters + the pro/epilogue. I'm done writing it and am already writing the sequel, but it takes me a while to type it all out for you guys. review please!**


	14. Bother Technique

**Ch. 13- Bother Technique**

**Tip 13- Just when you think something can't get any worse, it does.**

**Krystalia**

Well, this was a …strange day. This day being Christmas. The two new girls, Aneki and Dijira, made enemies of each other, and are at each other's throats at any – and every given moment of the day. Someone gave Shonan the key to the pantry, where we keep most of the sugar, and she became hyper. As soon as I got some free time, a hard thing to get when you have to calm down a few psychos, I plopped down on my bed. The moment my head hit the pillow, I was asleep.

_Hay-Lin, what are you doing? Stop! You're not a Konoha shinobi! You're one of us! What are you doing! Sto-Argh!_

My head shot up from the pillow, my heart pounding. What was that? A dream? No, it was far to real to be a dream. Then I noticed that Gin was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking concerned.

"Are you okay? I was mighty worried there for a second, seeing as how it took me five minutes to wake you up. You were yelling in your sleep. Some nightmare, ne?"

"Yeah, I guess…" I said. "Hey, Gin…"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. I don't know what I would do if you weren't here. Sometimes, it's nearly impossible to wake up from those dreams." I said, hugging him and burying my head in his chest. Just then, I heard the front door slam. I sighed. "I'll go see what happened."

"I hate you, bitch!"

"Right back at you!"

"How dare you do something like that to me?" The sight that greeted me was Aneki and Dijira, arguing at full volume. Dijira was very badly bruised, and appeared to have a broken rib or two.

"What happened?" I asked.

"That bitch tied me to a shitty tree for three fucking days! It rained, snowed, hailed, and I got struck by lightning! Twice! I'll kill her!" cried Dijira, lunging for Aneki's throat. Aneki sidestepped, and Dij fell to the floor. I never knew anyone other than Shonan who could rival Hidan in the colorful language department.

"So _that's_ why it was so quiet! It all makes sense now!" I mused, apparently out loud. Luckily, they didn't seem to hear me, so I left. As I walked away aimlessly, I ran into Hay-Lin.

"Krystalia! Good, I found you. I have to go run some errands for Pein, Orochimaru, and Aizen. Well, sentry duty, anyways. I'm stuck there until Kabuto and Tosen come back from their errands. Could you go around with Shonan and keep an eye on her for me? She's bored."

"You want blackmail from that, don't you?"

"yep."

"Kay, I'll do it."

"Thank you so much. Here, use these." She said, handing me a leash and camcorder.

"A leash?" I asked, puzzled.

"She might still be on a sugar high."

"ah" And so, I went off to find Shonan. I found her near Starrk's room. "Hey Shonan, are you going to torment dog-boy?"

"Yep. Oh! Hay-Lin gave you a camcorder! Even better! Film this, I already have everything else set up."

"Which would be…" Shonan stood on her toes (Yep, I'm taller than her. No surprise there, seeing as only two people here are shorter than her…) and whispered her plan to me. I laughed. "Let's do it!" She nodded gleefully and entered Starrk's room.

"Hey Starrk, I was wondering if we could have a little feline-to-canine chat, kay? So in your pack," She pressed a small button concealed in her palm that turned on the microphone that would project the conversation throughout the entire house. We normally use it for announcements. "Starrk, how many bitches do you have?" Poor Starrk. He didn't know about the mic, and foolishly answered, though a bit confused. Shonan may seem stupid, but she has a silver tongue. She loves word play, and is good with double meanings.

"sixteen" Shonan pressed the button again, turning the mic off. "Why do you want to know?

"So that I can decide weather to be afraid of your wolf pack or not. Since the females typically make up a minor portion to half the pack, I can estimate how many wolves you have. Well, now that that's done, I'll be leaving. Thanks!" she snickered, rushing back to where I stood. "Did you get it?"

"Every word." I grinned.

"Sweetness!"

"Nice play of words, by the way. What do we do now?" I asked.

"Bother the others until lunch." And so we went. Our target, the Espadas. They need more 'screentime' anyways. Our next victim was Barragan. Since his door was open, we (Shonan) strided in. It looked like a throne room. "'Ey old man. Don't mind us. We're just here to visit." Shonan said, seating herself in front of Barragan and staring at him. She didn't blink. At all. He started looking nervous at the five minute mark. At ten, he began to fidget. And finally, at fifteen, he leaped out of his throne-of-bones, and yelled,

"Okay, okay! I give up! You can have it! That's too creepy! Take it!" he cried, going to some random corner and shivering. Shonan blinked once.

"…wut?"

"Barragan just gave up his throne." I explained, exasperated.

"M-kay! Thanks old man!" she said, skipping over to the throne and plopping down onto it. She lifted one of the bones and ate a fish concealed there. I stared at her in disbelief.

"_That's_ why you did that! To get a _fish?_"

"Actually, it was just to unnerve him. Then, I smelled the fish. The throne and my now nonexistent prize were bonuses." She said happily. I sighed.

"Okay, who's next?" I asked.

"Harribel."

"Then let's go." I said, dragging her away.

"Kay! She escaped my grip and bounded towards Harribel's room, but not before stopping by her 'closet room' and grabbing an outfit, which made me gasp when I saw it. Moments later, we were at Harribel's door. "OI! Fish-girl! Wear this to lunch, Kthanksbai!" she cried, tossing the garment to Harribel. Harribel looked confused but took it. "Next we have Ulquiorra." Shonan said, grabbing my hand and yanking me after her. She grabbed two boxes of pocky from the pantry. How she got the key, I'll never know. "And now we're off!" she said happily. She barged into Ulquiorra's room and waved the pocky around. "Bat boy, look what I have!" he gasped, and made a grab for the pocky. "Nuh-uh. This is for me," she said, pointing at one box, "and this is for Krysty." She finished, tossing a box to me. I griined and ate some. Ulquiorra crumpled to the ground in a pile of emo-ness. I'm such a sadistic bitch. Shonan laughed. "Off to find teh spoon!" she cried. I followed, munching on the pocky as I went along. She walked into Nnoitora's room and changed into her cat form. As soon as she caught sight of Nnoitora, who was sitting on his bed, she leaped up onto his head, leaning abainst the 'bonnet'. She lifted his eyepatch and shoved her paw through his hollow hole, much to his protest.

"I swear to god, if that thing bites me…" she mused quietly.

"Hey, watch it! Get your damn paw out of there!"

"Nevah, you brainless scarecrow! I am a feline, and therefore, I shall do as I please!" She cried dramatically, extending her claws and catching them on the bottom rim of his hollow hole. I watched as his face got marred as he tried to pry her off. We spent 20 minutes there, when she got bored. "Kay, Grimmkitty's next!" She said, leaping down to the floor. I tossed Nnoitora some bandages on my way out. This was actually kinda fun! As soon as she saw Grimmjow, she jumped through _his_ hollow hole.

"What the hell!"

"Ima circus cat, like Masquerade! See me jump through teh ring of fire!" she cried, repeatedly jumping through Grimmjow's hollow hole.

"Hey! Stop that, bitch!" She stuck her tongue out at him and settled in his hollow hole.

"make me." She swished her tail against the roof of the hollow hole. He snickered.

"Shonan, that tickles. Stop that right now!" he said, trying to keep from laughing. She grinned.

"What, this?" she arched her back against the top of the hole, letting her fur brush against it. At the same time, she swished her tail back and forth against the bottom. Unable to restrain himself anymore, he burst out laughing, tears forming in the corners of his eyes, and made a grab for Shonan. She skillfully moved aside, her fur brushing against all sides of the hole. I, of course, was filming all of this. Shonan got bored after ten minutes and jumped to the floor. Then, she turned back to her half-form and dragged me over to Zommari's room. "Pinhead, I've got pumpkin pie! I think it's one of your control-freak relatives!" She cried, chucking a random pumpkin pie at his face.

"What in the name of Aizen-!"

"Oh, god. Another religious freak. Come Krysty! We must find Szayel!" she bounded off. Of course, I had no choice but to follow. She crept in, then 'accidentally' knocked over a glass jar of important-looking liquid. Then, she made a run for it. I heard some very colorful language, quickly nearing us, and decided it would be wise to follow Shonan. Next, we stopped in a supply closet and grabbed flashlights. I looked at her, puzzled. "Aaroniero." She supplied curtly, and we headed off. When we entered his room, it was pitch-black, minus a small window. And I do mean small. I doubted a mouse could fit through it. Shonan turned on her flashlight, beckoning me to do the same. We heard two blood-curdling screams as the lights blinked on. Eyes squeezed shut in pain, was Aaroniero, mask off, twin heads screaming in pain. The lab-experiment likeness of Aaroniero's heads is a lot freakier in person than on a screen. Shonan turned her flashlight off, telling me to do the same.

" What was that for? **We like the dark!"** growled Aaroniero. Shonan snickered at his voice.

"He's like a helium-ified Zetsu!...A Zetsu who ate helium!" she giggled. Seeing the scowl and death glare on Aaroniero's faces, she quickly shut up and scurried out of his room. Lastly was yammy. We calmly walked into his room. She whispered loudly behind her hand to me. "Do you see it, Krystalia?"

"Yeah, I see it." I whispered back. I had no idea what she was planning, so I decided to play along.

"I've never seen anything like it!"

"Yeah, it's so…so…I can't even describe it!" Which was true, since I had no idea what she was talking about, even though she was pointing at Yammy now and again.

"I know what you mean." By now, Yammy had now begun to panic.

"what? What is it? What do you see? Is something wrong with me?" Shonan grinned.

"Ohmyfuckingawd! You have a face!" she cried out.

"What? That's terrible! Get it off, get it off!" Yammy cried, full panic mode, running around his room like a maniac, flailing his arms wildly. Shonan was rolling around on the floor, laughing her head off. That is, until Yammy almost stepped on her, at which she began swearing. I checked my watch.

"Shonan, time for lunch!" Shonan's ears perked up, and almost sprinted to the kitchen like an Olympic track star.

"Great! I can't wait!" She's normally not this excited...

"Why? What's happening?" Shonan froze.

"Oh, god. If everyone else's memories are as bad a s yours, this'll be no fun!" Once everyone had assembled in the kitchen, I noticed something. A lot of the guys, mainly the perverts, were going over to Starrk and congratulating him. Then I remembered. So _that's_ why she did that! Heh, adding insult to injury. Nnoitora, his hollow hole all bandaged up, went over to Starrk.

"Yo, Starrk! Congrats, I didn't know you had any bitches other than Lilynette!" Nnoitora patted him on the back. Starrk looked flustered, his face bright red.

"Wh-what? I don't know what you're talking about! And-" I stopped listening when Harribel walked in, wearing a very…erm, revealing, to say the least, two piece outfit. It was black with white Akatsuki clouds on it, and looked like it had been through a shredder, then sewn back together. I looked away as she walked by, nonchalantly grabbing some lunch for herself, most of the guys' eyes following her every move. Shonan snickered, then turned to me after gorging herself and saving her film. When'd she get the camera?

"Where's Kira?"

"Kir-? Oh, you mean Dijira. Upstairs. She said she's staying up in her room until she feels confident enough to be comfortable with us all. Poor thing. She's a bit of a freak, but she'll have to stay up there a long time to match us. Especially you." I responded. Shonan disregarded that last part.

"Ha! Kay! Imma go bug her!" she called, bounding off. When we got there, Shonan opened the door a crack and entered silently. "HI KIRA!" she yelled.

"Ack!" cried Dijira, falling backward off her chair. She looked back at Shonan, who was staring at her, wide-eyed. "Oh, it's you." She growled.

"HOLY SHIT!" Shonan yelled, staring at Dijira. That's as far as she got before Dijira clamped her hand over Shonan's mouth.

"Not one word about this to anyone else, okay?" she growled at us. We both nodded mutely. Just then, Deidara peered in.

"what's going on here, un?"

"She's just like a female Sasori, but with metal! You know, with the puppets and stuff?" explained Shonan.

"All of you, leave." Said Dijira, rudely shoving us away and out the door. We went downstairs. Suddenly, Hay-Lin barged in the front door.

"The shinobi villages are attacking!" she yelled, breathless, probably from running. Tip 13- Just when you think something can't get any worse, it does.

**A/N: I actually managed to get this out in a decent amount of time! The next two chapters and the epilogue will be out really quickly after this. Review please! Also, i have a poll on my profile, plus this story is now on DA! My username is the same, and you can comment there, too, if you want.**


	15. Void

**Ch. 14- Void**

**Tip 14- Sometimes, healer is the most dangerous position in battle.**

**Hay-Lin**

"The shinobi villages are attacking!" I yelled, barging in the house. "Prepare for battle!" Everyone dropped whatever they were doing and were at the door within seconds.

"How did they find us?" asked Pein.

"Probably tracked Kakuzu's damned bounties." murmured Hidan, receiving a death glare from Kakuzu.

"Shonan and I will take the front lines, along with Pein, Konan, Orochimaru, Aizen, Gin, and Tosen. Medics, we'll heal everyone who gets hurt, but still fight whenever possible. Everyone else, fight to the best of your abilities. We'll need it. We have about five minutes until the enemy arrives." So, we gathered in front of the house, which was still disguised and protected by a genjutsu. There was a grim silence as we waited for the massive shinobi army. From what I was able to see, only our village and the Sound village weren't there. A few minutes later, we were able to see the front lines of the army. I heard some of the others gasp.

"It's immense!" whispered Mist. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kisame squeeze her shoulder reassuringly.

"We don't stand a chance…" groaned Krystalia, ever the pessimist.

"Nonsense! We are the world's strongest fighters! We are the Akatsuki, Espadas, Taka, Sound Five, and allies! We have the strongest swordsmen, the best at taijutsu, the supreme at genjustsu, and the masters of ninjutsu! We have the most superior kekkei-genkai and abilities, and you have the nerve to say we'll lose? I thought better of you." snapped Shonan. Krystalia shrunk back meekly under Shonan's pointed glare. Shonan's speech seemed to motivate everyone, because there seemed to be pride floating through the air. I'm determined not to let anyone die. So long as I live, they'll live. The army came to a halt before us. The five kage stood at the head of the army. Maybe this was a war after all…?

"Tsunade." began the Tsuchikage. "There are many more than five Akatsuki here. You lied to us."

"I did no such thing! Half of these people are supposed to be dead!" Tsunade cried out.

"You honestly think you killed them? Not only are they alive, but they've gotten stronger. You meager shinobi don't stand a chance." Shonan said, unnaturally serious.

"You must be a fool. There are many more of us than you." Began the Mizukage.

"Ah, my friend, but numbers are not everything. If you have millions of weaklings versus a few powerful forces, who would win? The strongest, no doubt." Orochimaru cut her off.

" While you do have a point, don't forget we have strong shinobi, too." said Gaara. I teleported behind him.

"True, but we're stonger." I whispered in his ear, my voice full of loathing. And with that, all hell broke loose. I fought whenever possible, and healed whoever got hurt. Mainly Hidan getting decapitated. It went well in the beginning, since we had the element of surprise (kinda), but I began to notice that we were fighting an uphill battle. Figuratively, of course. The sheer strength of their numbers was beginning to overwhelm us. Suddenly, a thick, black smog covered the battlefield. There were cries of confusion, and suddenly, I couldn't see. I was lifted up and hauled over someone's shoulder. There was a gag stuffed into my mouth, muffling my cries. Wait a minute…if I was captured, I could just teleport back, couldn't I? That thought in mind, I stopped struggling and resigned to my fate. I don't know how long we traveled, but it seemed like forever. I was brutally dumped on the ground, and my binds, blindfold, and gag were removed. I squinted through the light, and the last thing I saw was a bright flash of pink. Then, I fell unconscious. Tip 14- Sometimes, healer is the most dangerous position in a battle.

**A/N: special treat! Two chapters in one day! Please vote in my poll and/or review! Also, i am in desparate need of fanart!**


	16. Bittersweet

**Ch. 15- Bittersweet**

**Tip 15- No victory comes without its losses.**

**Shonan**

I have never fought this hard before. So much blood! It feels so…so…so…good1 It's amazing! All the death and destruction! It's wonderful! Fantastic! I felt an evil chakra begin to surround me – red and black flames, almost, and Demon Kitty and Ninetails butting at their seals, trying to escape. My vision clouded with bloodlust, I have no idea how many shinobi I killed. My cat ears turned to Demon kitty's colors, my tail became ragged, also taking on the same demonic coloration, and steadily growing in number until they reached nine. My skin was darkening, my blue hair darker and wilder. My nails extended into claws, and I got down onto all fours. My eyes were black and gold, like a hollow's. So much _power!_ The desire to kill is overwhelming! Then, a calming voice reached past the deepest depths of the darkness and called out to me. _Calm down, idiot. You're going to kill us all._ Did I say calming? I meant bitchy. _Shonan, stop. Calm down. Don't loose control. It's all right. Just calm down. _Soothing chakra poured into my body, and Demon kitty and Ninetails (grudgingly) receded back into their seals. I looked around. I was surrounded by dead people and arrancars gasping and struggling for breath. Whoops. Yeah, _that's _why I mask my chakra. I have too much of it. Even Aizen was affected. Warning: Beware the cat girl with an immensely powerful spirit pressure. "Sorry!" I cried in apology, slicing off a Yukigakure shinobi's head with my scythe while turning around. Ah, how I love my weapons. We fought for another twenty or so hours, slowly being overwhelmed. Dijira sending little robot bombs at people, Aneki using her ANBU skills, Krystalia using her epic portals of doom, and Mist was standing there until she accidentally got hit with a rock. That shinobi went through hell, as well as any others standing within a twenty meter radius of her. Everyone was fighting to their fullest extent. But even that wasn't enough. However, by some miracle I don't believe in, we managed to win, though only by a hair. The only shinobi left were those prominent to the series, and some of the villages' strongest shinobi and leaders, about one or two. Unfortunately, all the Kage survived. We killed off the Waterfall, Moon, Grass and Snow's leaders, though. Luckily, none of us died. Thanks to the medics and my cats for that! My cats helped by bringing supplies for the medics and attacking in mobs. Kakuzu lost four hearts, Pein lost five bodies, Konan's paper was all torn, Itachi wore out his eyes completely, then got healed to Hay-Lin, but then wore them out to the way they were before the battle again, Kisame is near-dead, Zetsu is so exhausted that he's agreeing with himself, Sasori lost 97% of his puppets, Deidara was driven to the point of almost using his suicide jutsu, and Tobi/Madara was exhausted to the point of collapsing. The Espadas were in bad shape, too. Gin had various injuries, including a katana through the gut. Nnoitora had a deep gash in his chest, and five of his arms were gone. Ulquiorra had lost a wing while fighting Gaara, Grimmjow was in the same shape as the second time he fought Ichigo, Starrk had lost most of his pack and had various injuries, Barragan was in terrible shape, almost dead, Harribel was in critical care, Zommari had only his last two, normal eyes left, Szayel could barely move, Aaroniero's glass container was cracked in several places, Yammy had lost most of his centipede-like legs, Aizen was injured, but not terribly so, just missing a few wings, and Tosen's bad karma had gotten to him - both his arms had been lost. Orochimaru and his minions were no better off than the others. Orochimaru himself was suffering from wounds to at least two vital organs, Kabuto had a few minor scrapes, but he had been healing people. Sasuke had over-used his sharingan, and both eyes were bleeding. Suigetsu had tons of bruises, but nothing serious, since he turned into water. Juugo had extreme injuries from being reckless, Karin had a few deep wounds, and was now covered in bite marks. Creepy way of healing others, ne? Kimimaro had cracked many bones and was near dead and covered in blood, most not his own, though, Tayuya had nearly gotten killed by Temari - again, Jirobo had a deep slash through his stomach that was bleeding profusely, Kidomaru looked fairly normal with two arms and eyes, and Sakon/Ukon were separated from each other, each with massive damage. And not on purpose, either. Mist had only fought when she herself got hurt, and was now suffering from a broken leg, Krystalia had only minor cuts that were healing quickly as she reversed time around them (think Orihime's ability), Dijira had taken solstice in her room to fix her robots, and Aneki fought to her fullest extent, yet still managed to take a chidori to the stomach by Kakashi. We were tending to the wounded right now. The most severe injuries were being treated first. Krystalia came up to me.

"Is everyone here? Are they all alive, or at least safe?"

"I think…" I did a quick head count. "39…where's Hay-Lin?" I searched around frantically for my sister. I ran inside and asked my cats to help me find her. We searched all 250 floors, every room, hall, and secret passageway was scoured to try and find her. After that, I went outside, morose and depressed. I went to the front where everyone could see me.

"What's wrong, un?" asked Deidara, genuinely concerned.

" Hay-Lin's gone." Tip 15- No victory comes without its losses.

**A/N: last chapter! Just the epilogue left! These last two chapters were really short, i know. I have a poll, and need fanart. This story is also on DA for those of you who have an account there. Please review!**


	17. Epilogue

**A/N: SUPER IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE AT THE BOTTOM. MUST READ.**

**Epilogue**

Tsunade looked down at the purple-haired girl who was laying on the infirmary bed. "Are you sure about this?" she asked the medic beside her. Sakura had found this girl unconscious in the forest just outside of Konoha. The medics, mostly from the Yamanaka clan, had looked into her mind, and found her memory wiped clear, not a single memory left.

"Yes, Lady Hokage. Unless she's hiding memories while unconscious, which is highly unlikely, she won't remember her old life. I saw her fighting during the battle, and her skills are well above ANBU level. She would make a good addition to the village."

"But a member of the Akatsuki joining the Leaf, what would the other villages think?"

"Does it matter? We would be stronger." Before Tsunade could answer, the girl opened her eyes a bit and blinked. As her vision focused, she shot up.

"Where am I? Who are you people?" she paused. "…who am I?..." she looked around, confused.

"You are in the Leaf village, in the Fire Country. I am the Hokage, leader of the Fire Country." The girl nodded.

"But who am I? Do you know my name, at least?" she asked. Sakura walked in holding a clipboard.

"Your name is Hay-Lin." Tsunade looked at her in surprise.

"How did you find that out?"

"I was looking through the archives of all the shinobi villages to see if I could find anyone who had fought in the battle. I found a photo of her, and discovered something important. I want to talk to you later." Tsunade nodded.

"Hay-Lin…It has a nice ring to it…I like it!" She looked down at her outfit. "Ugh, what happned? My outfit's all torn! I'll need a new one…" she caught sight of her reflection in a mirror. " And a new hairstyle, too…This one makes me look like a nerd…" the girl mused.

"I can take you to my friend Ino, if you want. You seem to like the color purple, and I'm sure she can help you with a new outfit, or at least lend you one." Volunteered Sakura.

"Thanks! I think I'll take you up on that offer!" said Hay-Lin.

"Sakura, while you're at it, do you think you could show Hay-Lin around the village? Report back to my office when you're done." said Tsunade, sake bottle in hand.

"Hai, Lady Hokage." Sakura led Hay-Lin out the door. "First things first, we have to find Ino. Her family runs a flower shop, so we'll probally find her there."

"Okay." Sakura opened the door to the Yamanaka's shop.

"Ino, it's me, Sakura. I brought a friend!" A girl with blonde hair arranged in a ponytail with bangs over her right eye stepped out from behind the counter.

"Hey Forehead! Who's this?" she asked, motioning to Hay-Lin.

"This is Hay-Lin. She's staying in the village for a while. Could you help her with a new outfit and hairstyle, Ino-pig?"

"Sure…" she gritted her teeth at the nickname. Then Hay-Lin spoke up.

"You remind me of someone…but I can't remember who…" Sakura tensed. So she had fragments of memories, but they were fuzzy. Ino looked at her quizzically.

"She hit her head on a rock and lost her memory." Sakura explained. "I'll explain in detail later. Think you can help?"

"Sure! Follow me!" Ino took them to the back of the shop, up the stairs, and to her room, where she helped Hay-Lin. All three girls were immensely satisfied with the outcome when they were done.

"Now, We're going to Ichiraku, and later around the village. Bye, Ino!" said Sakura, waving.

"She was nice!" Hay-Lin said happily.

"Ha, if you liked Ino-pig, you'll love the others!" Sakura told her. Hay-Lin snorted.

"Ino-pig? That's genius!" Sakura beamed. They stopped at Ichiraku, met Naruto, ate some ramen, took a tour of the village, met everyone else, and went to the Hokage's tower. Hay-Lin looked up at the immense structure. "I've seen bigger."

"When?"

"I don't…remember…"

"Well, in any case, let's go." Sakura made her way to the Hokage's office, followed by Hay-Lin. "Lady Hokage, you wanted to see us?"

"Yes, yes! Come in!" As Hay-Lin walked in, she gasped at the piles upon piles of empty sake bottles and paperwork.

"Is she always like this?" she whispered to Sakura, who giggled and nodded. "I have a proposition to make, Hay-Lin. How would you like to become a Konoha shinobi, and my apprentice?"

"Huh? I-I'd love to…I guess…"

"Great! You can stay with Sakura until all the paperwork is done or you get your own apartment, whichever comes first! You can join her squad to get extra training. Your first mission will be soon, so be ready!" Tsunade said happily.

"W-what?"

-END-

**A/N: I'm done! Don't worry, there will be a sequel calle Return of the Chaos. Also, just a note, I'll be writing a small series of sidestories for my OCs explaining their pasts and what I didn't clearly explain here etc. while I'm typing/writing RotC. So far I have the beginning of Mist's, and a fragment of Krystalia's. Also, just a note, could you wonderful readers please vote in my poll? The outcome will greatly impact the sequel. Also, feel free to make fanart/oneshots/sidestories if you want, just send me a link so that I can see/read/favorite them! I'd love to see what you guys come up with! Also, reviews would be greatly appreciated! This is my most popular story, and i'd love to know what you guys think of it!**


End file.
